Musings of Lost Souls: Warda

She was driving back home after a long day at work. It was humid but cooler than it was in the morning. She smiled as she noticed the moon in a pale yellow tone centering the clear indigo sky. Sighing countless of times, she felt the stress leave her body and evaporate to thin air. The scenery wasn’t the only thing that uplifted her entire mood; Arabic poetry was filling her ears as she felt goose bumps forming on her arms. It was a different kind of feeling, something that made her recall what was important to her. She now understood the reason why Arabs are addicted to this form of literature; pure, sincere and yet filled with passion and unleashes a unique form of sentiments that she never knew existed. It was the perfect mix of words, view and mood that got her all relaxed and content.  She turned the knob to her left, allowing the volume to increase and surround her just exactly like those words recited by the famous poet were. She felt herself blush as she imagined him reciting those sensual and playful verses to her. She grinned wider as her tummy tumbled inside of her when she remembered that tomorrow was the day he’ll be back home. Taking in a deep breath to calm her anticipation,  she pulled over to the side of the road and was determined to end her nervousness buried deep inside her once and for all.

Calling The Love of My Life...

She heard his voice and couldn't help but squeal from her excitement

'7abibiiiiiiii I miss you' she said as she let go of the steering wheel.

He couldn't help but laugh at her reaction. He felt his heart growing mushier and softer ever since she entered his life ‘I miss you too sweetheart’ he replied back in a soft voice that resembled a whisper.

‘Only one day left' she giggled as she pushed her driver's seat to the back and had it recline to sit comfortably while talking to him; the one who stole her heart for keeps.

‘So excited for tomorrow?’ He asked as he lay on his tiny bed, relaxing to the tone of her soothing voice.

'I'm actually scared  and nervous also' she confessed as the swish swoosh sounds continued of cars and vehicles passing her by, and kept on wondering what his reply was going to be.

'I am as well a bit' he said as he stretched his body over the tiny bed. He looked tired after a long day at the oil rig. Wearing his blue coveralls as he got comfy on the fluffy mattress, he placed his right foot over the left and folded his hands behind his head without pulling out the earphone set from his ears.

It was the first time they would meet after three months of being away from each other. Fahar’s work was a tiring job that required tough labor from his side as a well engineer. His job required him to stay behind since his colleague quit the job for a better opportunity. But he was coming home the next day finally; his substitute showed up today which meant that he was free to visit home and see her face which he longed for. He still remembered how he added her on MSN, back in their college days, after catching a glimpse of her email address when she was using one of the computer labs that he coincidentally was in.

'Do you remember the first phone call?' she asked him as if she was reading his mind. 'How can I forget'  he said as they began remembering the old times ‘It was literally the longest phone call I ever had’ he laughed as they reminisced on cherished memories. 

…3 YEARS AGO…

'Can I hear your voice?' He must have typed that phrase reatedly only to use the backspace to erase it. But this time it was different, he pressed the Enter key instead. He asked her the question with eagerness to know what she would reply back. 

The MSN chat window popped up in front of her computer screen with the question she was dreading. They have exchanged phone numbers but have never used it but only for casual Blessed Friday text messages from time to time; the typical Arabic way of flirting and dating.

Her heart was beating fast unable to respond as fast as she hoped.

' Hey I'm sorry. I respect if you just want to remain friends here. So just forget I said that okay?' He typed quickly realizing that maybe what he just did was a mistake.

'But I want to know how you sound like as well' she typed back ten minutes later, in the most straight forward manner she knew how.

With happiness filling his being he responded with ‘Warda, so can I call you at 10 tonight?'

'Make it 9 ;-)' she replied back and began counting hte minutes for 9pm to strike on her watch.

…9 PM, 3 YEARS AGO…

Incoming Call 9900****

His hands were trembling as he gathered the courage to talk to her while waiting for her to pick up the phone.

‘Allo?’ she said in the most attractive voice she could pull off.

‘Ahleen’ he said as she heard his smile from the greeting.

‘Hala’ she said back while moving back and forth from apprehension and expectation.

‘Hi’ he said it before he had the chance to change to a proper sentence.

…HOURS LATER…

‘Hahaha that is the funniest thing I have ever heard’ she giggled and laughed hard at his funny encounters.

‘So what was the most embarrassing moment you went through as a freshman?‘ he asked wanting to know more about her.

‘Oh you don’t even want me to start’ she shook her head as she relaxed on her bed enjoying the conversation she was having with him.

That phone call was the one they have tried to challenge ever since. They stayed up till sunrise talking for hours about anything and everything until they both fell asleep with their phones glued to their ears. It was the beginning of what was something surreal to both of them; the beginning of something called love

Musings of Lost Souls: Bashayer

She was rocking in front of the window as she tried to comprehend what happened earlier in the day. The curtains drawn open and only the light of the street illuminating the room she was in. The living room which usually is the most chaotic room of the house was unusually quiet. The house was empty as she rocked herself even harder on the old rocking chair while remorse and regret filled her being. The room was beautifully decorated with antique pieces. The beige golden walls gave warmth even in the dark. The beautiful Persian carpet at the centre gave the room character and the mirrors on one of the walls deceived visitors on how big the room actually was. 'Why?' she kept wondering as she continued rocking.  'Why after all these years?' she asked herself as the self timed air conditioner turned itself on. It was simply just what she needed, cool chilly air to calm her senses down. She looked outside at the quiet neighborhood, not a single soul was outside, with only the swaying of the trees responding back to her questions. It seemed as if she had a conversation with these natural beings as every time she would ask herself a question they seemed to mask her worries and give a firm reply with an even stronger sway each time.  ‘Why?’ she asked this time ignoring the trees and looking at her feet stretched feet on the stool in front of her. She couldn't understand why she had to feel this way; it has been years since she last saw him, why must it always be like this? Why must she always fall to pieces whenever she laid her eyes on him?

Her sniffs and tears turned into sobs and loud cries as she grew angrier at herself. She was angry on how she allowed herself to be in this mess. She was angry at him for not ever confronting her. She was a train wreck without him. She closed her eyes allowing the cold air to console her frail self. She felt guilt creeping in further until there was no escape but to say the truth. But how could she speak the truth? How could she explain what she was going through her mind but keep herself composed? She sighed a deep sigh as she rocked the old green leathered chair even faster in hopes of all of this to go away.

A sudden clicking sound got her to freeze as she heard the keys unlocking the front door. Rushing as quickly as she could in the most subtle of moves, she tip toed to her bedroom, closed the door shut, then hid herself in between the sheets of her fluffy bed and closed her eyes as if she was asleep all along.

The footsteps she could hear were approaching her bedroom. A swish and the door got opened accompanied with the most seductive fragrance of oud mixed with Amouge’s Gold pour homme; her favorite scent of him.  '7abibtiiii I'm home' he said in a gleeful happy voice. In his full fancy policeman uniform he stood like a stud with a gleaming smile but only for his expression to change to a frown. He was taken by surprise when he laid eyes on his wife, all asleep instead of greeting him with the usual welcome home kiss and hug. 'Miskeena 7abibti' he shook his head as he looked at the bronze fancy clock on the wall and realized it was 3 in the morning.

Walking towards the right side of the bed, he took a long glance at the face he wakes up to every morning. He was content with life and its blessings. He loved how chocolate brown her skin was, he loved her curly brown hair, but mostly her cleft chin which he secretly wished their future kids would have. 'If you only know how thankful I am to have you. I love you my angel' he whispered to her sleeping frame and went forward to kiss her on the crown of her head.

She cringed as she felt his lips on her forehead. She felt disgust, pain and sadness instead of a jolt of electricity, love and desire. She was ashamed of herself but couldn't help what she felt inside; Bashayer felt was trapped in a life she didn't want.

Musings of Lost Souls : Sama

She was walking up and down the hallway; all her close family members were watching her as she tried to deal with the shots of pain she was going through. She tried rocking her body as a sort of relief but failed. She tried squeezing pillows and teddy bears but for nothing to work. The only way was for her to walk back and forth until it all subsided. Cramps were overtaking her body as she felt she was about to throw up all the lunch she had. She closed her eyes shut as she gave in to the pain. Tears began stinging her eyes as she let out a loud scream. She wished he was here instead of all of those who were present. She needed him to take care of her and rub her back, but he wasn't anywhere to be found. She screamed out for his name but he didn't respond. She sobbed and screamed louder as the pain took over again and she was forced to lay in bed. She crawled herself into a fetal position as she cried herself to numbness while calling out for him.

'You are 10 centimeters dilated' the doctor came in to reassure her and her mother and mother-in-law who were with her. 'Now when I tell you to push, give me your best …' the doctor continued as she still was in a state of shock and denial. 'No no, this is not the time, tell them to wait' she told her mother. 'He must be coming any second' she was sure as she squeezed her mother’s hand. Looking and searching deep into her mother's black Bedouin eyes, she got the answer she was looking for; that he wasn't going to show up. She looked away to lay eyes on her full grown belly as her heart felt like a fragile crumbling biscuit.  At that moment she knew what she had to do, she knew it was time to gather all her strength for the sake of her baby. Nodding her head while sobbing she took in the doctor’s orders that it was time to push.

The white atmosphere around the very sanitary hospital would seem intimidating to anyone. Hospitals usually always had a feel that it was home to those who have lost hope. It was a place where dreams come to die, but in the maternity ward the word hospital meant where hope was born and where dreams come true.

Room 209 was no different than the others; it was a room that housed the newest mother. The sound of the baby cries was enough to bring smiles to everyone but her. She looked at her baby with pride and happiness but the tears she was crying weren't for her beautiful adorable son, they were for him, the king of her heart.

The tears were meant for the one who always made her smile whenever she was down; the one who was ready to face the world just for them to be together. The tears were for the one who made her whole and complete. She carried her baby in her arms. He looked perfect with his 10 fingers and 10 toes. His fingers were chubby and short, his nose was strikingly long and eagle-like, and he had the cutest flushed pink pursed lips exactly just like his father. She looked deep into her soul as she held her baby tight and said a name that silenced the festive mood in the air. 'Hamad' she said as she sniffed trying to muffle her sobs. I'm calling him 'Hamad' she said as everyone nodded in agreement.

'You shall share the name of a brave man, a man who you'd love if you met. This name means that you are praised and you always will be inshallah’ Sama whispered to her son as she took in his intoxicating smell and vowed to protect this precious life with her own. Little Hamad opened his tiny eyes and yawned stretching his petite small body. The cuteness of her newly born baby boy was something she wasn’t able to ignore. She couldn’t help but smile through the sadness that was looming around her soul. She gazed into his eyes which were small and almond shaped like hers, the eyes that her husband always wished his kids would have. ‘Hamoodi’ she whispered the nickname she bestowed on him. Sama grinned as she cuddled her baby, he was the only living thing left to remind her of her late husband. He was called Hamad.

Musings of Lost Souls : Manar

It was the most horrid day of summer, the middle of July at 2 pm. Clear skies with no cloud in sight, along with a slight breeze calming to the high humidity suffocating every living thing’s breathing.  Mostly everyone was locked inside their air conditioned office rooms, houses or taking refuge under the roof of a  mosque or a shopping mall, with the exception of the South Asian foreigners who were resting under the shade of the trees escaping the awful heat. The cars were all nicely parked at the neighborhood as the whooshing sound of the desalination plant was the only sound disturbing the peace of the area.

She took a deep sigh as she parked her car right beside those familiar gates which now looked worn out and filled with holes and dents. They used to be grey once upon a time during the days she remembered. But as she looked at them they were white after being subjected to another quick paint job to hide the true age of the metal doors. The corners of her mouth arched as she smiled a smile of relief, it wasn't only her who hid her flaws and wounds, it was the norm for everyone to hide behind their sweet smile. She had to conceal the truth of what she really was behind her small charming eyes that cried many days and nights. She felt ashamed to show how fragile she could be so she chose to mask it all behind a kind heart which was shattered once upon a time. She looked at the quiet peaceful atmosphere as she pulled her hand break to place. Grabbing her bag and house keys that sat at the passenger seat, she decided to take on a different journey today.

It was time she faced what she dreaded she had to. The beautiful scenery was breathtaking despite the weather and what she was wearing; a fancy pleated abbaya paired with the brightest pair of flats adorning her feet. 'Bismellah' she started reciting a little prayer under her breath as she let loose, the first time since it all happened. It was her first time walking towards the beach, which she ignored all these years. It was time to let go and give in to what she deserved; to be safe and to be happy.

She walked past the yellow turmeric rusty swing as she re- lived the memories they once shared. The lovely breezy coastline weather paired with the clear sunny sky framed the most picturesque image of the place greeted her. She walked past the yellow turmeric rusty swing as she re- lived the memories they once shared. The lovely breezy coastline weather paired with the clear sunny sky framed the picturesque image of the place. The weather was pretty humid and sunny but she didn’t care for all that, she had a simple urge that she had to sustain. As one foot took her closer to the rough waves she sighed as the heaviness in her heart was subsiding. The warm toasty sand sent shivers down her spine as she now faced that turmeric swing. The same swing that was the beginning of everything once upon a time, she reached out her hand to touch the hot burning metal as the breeze begun to gain strength blowing her Sheila the opposite direction. The clear sunny sky gave her solace and wrapped ger in the warmth she most needed as she took a seat on the old squeaky swing. She took in the smell of the salty dry sand as her feet got buried beneath the coolness it gave off. Looking into her bag, she searched for what would the icing on the cake; a cherry flavored Chupa Chups lollipop.  She looked at the color and remembered how he always said he loved that shade of crimson on her lips. She giggled but it hurt her soul, she laughed but it tore her apart. She was saying goodbye to the past. She would miss the good times she had in front of her house, those secret meetings at the beach, his tasty chips oman and cheese spread sandwiches, his voice, his giggles, his laugh but most of all how he always whispered to her that one word that would turn her entire day into a pleasant sparkly one. How she wished she could hear that word from him once again. 'A7bk' she looked down at the sand as she said that softly and shed a single tear. She began swinging like she did years before, only this time she was alone with no one beside her. The air was blowing in her direction brushing past her, she giggled as she felt her tummy turn in excitement. Manar continued swinging the longest swing she ever did that day!