Sun & Moon: Chapter Seven

'Come beautiful.  I'll show you around' he whispered in her ear. Nodding her head, she carried her embroidered laptop bag with the front flap reading her name, in beautiful silky silver threading, and followed him. 'Okay, I'll show you a secret place where no one can disturb you' his deep voice made its way to her ear drum. Taking her by the hand, she walked behind him and followed him to the stairs. 'This is where all the goths meet up' he pointed out while rolling out his eyes to an area near the stairs. Sanaa imagined how the empty seats and tables would be occupied by black dressed girls with heavy black eyeliners and those pair of skinny jeans the men would adorn; those super popular skinnies back home. She shook her head on the thought of skinny jeans pressing tight against the nonexistent thighs of those men, and the obscene over the top hairdos. She shook her head again trying to shed off the thought and continued walking behind Bastiaan. With one step after the other, Sanaa took a glimpse of how fashionable his shoes were; mosaic cappuccino brown shoes with hints of black velvet fabric. The silence along with the gush of warm air from the heating made the atmosphere comfy and pleasant. The fragrant musky auburn wood stairs were glossy and polished. As Sanaa climbed the stairs, a sense of comfort came over her, not only because she made the perfect choice of wearing her suede flats but as the day progressed, it was turning out to be a lovely one as she predicted.  'I'll show you a place that's very secretive' he pulled her to him with an assuring smile as their solid shoe heels clucked against the hard wooden surface continuing their way to the top. Getting to the top, after several flights of stairs, the place was too quiet that it felt daunting and scary. A sudden panic overcame Sanaa as she tried to let go off his hand and run out the other way as fast as possible. Turning around and looking into her eyes, Bastiaan tried calming her down by saying those two precious words every single cartoon or romantic movie abused; ‘Trust me’. Sanaa tried to find the tranquility she once felt but only for her to become jumpy and scared even more. It seemed dark for a moment around her until the rays of light managed to peep in between to brighten the room. It suddenly seemed less intimidating than it was. She felt herself struggling with her inner self; she wanted to let loose and trust that nothing would happen but she couldn’t allow herself to go through those emotions again. As she stood frozen still, she noticed a bookshelf which was distinct from the others.  It seemed older than the rest; its oak dark wood chipped shelves, and the aged rustic color giving warmth that only an old person would give out. It seemed to talk to her, to tell her that it had stories to share and tales she would love to hear. There was something she couldn't describe, a chemistry, that pulled Sanaa towards the bookshelf. There was something secretive about it, and she felt compelled to find out what it was.

As the air around her became alluring, Sanaa made her move to the old bookshelf at the very back end of the room. The silence was overwhelming; she only could hear her breathing and the soles of her shoes tapping on the surface. Bastiaan remained still as he watched her discover what he wanted to show her all along. The way her hair bounced and rested on the small of her back got him to remember how beautiful her scent was and how her eyes made him feel lost. The corners of his mouth made its way into a smile; his eyes grew brighter, his smile lines and crow feet were evident and his teeth were as flashing as they always have been. He wanted to tell her the story behind the old bookshelf but decided not to after seeing her vanish from his sight; she was at the back of the standing oak wood.  Walking past it, she saw the books; the fiction books that not many people were interested in anymore, the philosophy books that weren’t appealing, and the unpopular novels which had a small audience to none. But that wasn't what got her consumed; it was the wall behind the bookshelf. It was the off white manila patchy wall which was in a serious need of a paint job. It was the wall which was interesting as it was. She noted how colorful it seemed to be when she grew closer; hints of black, blue, red, pink and so many other colors occupying the wall. She walked even closer to have a clear picture of what those colors were.  Taking a deep breath, she composed herself grasping her chunky jacket belt and started making out what those colors were. Frown lines started gathering on her forehead as she started to read; writings, doodles and scribbles of different colors, fonts and handwritings.

I love you

A loves T

You are the reason I breathe  <3

Ik Hou Van Jou

Mijn schatje is Dan

I had a dream and you were in it

 I wish I could tell you how I feel

I hate you for making me feel the way I do

RIP my love. You’ll always be in my heart forever

I LOVE YOUUUU

Those were some of the writings on the wall. She started reading and some were poems, some were simple reasons as to why they fell victim to those sensations and some were about heartbreak. Sanaa's heart sunk from pain, when she realized the grand magnificent wall was a confession wall; confessions of something she once had, something she once cherished and something she lost. They were confessions of love.

Black and white was filling the space, crowded flocks of people were surrounding the clear area in between the two buildings. The water flowing in beautiful shapes and forms from the fountain made the view even more spectacular. The beige contrasts of the building around along with the colorful peach tiles gave an added abstract to the afternoon's events. The sky was clear and the sun was bright, the light breeze gave solace to the ever growing crowd. White Dishdashas and black abbayas fluttered with the wind and the loud music gave the previous static silence life. Chattering could be heard in between musical pauses here and there. Green, red, metallic grey were some of the colors of the cars placed around. The shouts from the Taekwondo team filled the air while displaying their acrobatic talents. It was one of those rare moments when all walks of life came together to relish on the annual Marketing Group Open Day in Sultan Qaboos University. The marketing group always made it impressive no matter how big the previous year’s event was. It was the event of all events for the university’s students.

Sanaa along with her friends were around enjoying the atmosphere, taking in the delight of having the attention of a few men. Sanaa was definite that those flirting were looking at her  strikingly pretty elegant friends and not on her. She always envied their sense of style; beautifully curled lashes, striking defined lined eyes, rosy cheeks and an effortless hint of bronzer along with sheer gloss. Their outfits and abbayas were top notch and absolutely chic to perfection. And the heels were the ones she always wished she could have only for her mother to put her down and buy her those plastic cheap sandals from Muttrah souq. She hated how she looked and how she stood out like the ugly duckling from the rest of her friends. It made her wonder what really made her part of this glam group when she literally stood out as different. With her short abbaya showing her longer than usual cheap torn jeans at the bottom, she clasped her backpack and fixed her headscarf which she never knew how to wear along with the 1 Rial sunglasses she got as a bargain from the local shop next door to their house. She still felt incomplete and ungraceful, so she opted to do something she always did to diminish those thoughts of being shabby; finishing off her look by wearing her confident smile, the one feature that never let her down. Moving around the crowd, they headed to the cars exhibition which involved different famous brand names. Sanaa along with some of them headed to the Mistubishi brand just to look around since it was the least crowded. ‘Let’s finish this area first then head to Mercedes’ they all seemed to agree that it was the wise decision to do at that point.

Walking to the Mistubishi stand which had a few spectators, the girls opened the door to one of  the cars and made themselves comfortable inside. ‘Ya Allah what car is this? ’ Sanaa bluntly said. ‘Shu? It’s a car’ her friend replied back. ‘Can we just go? It’s an awful car and I can’t stand it’ Sanaa voiced her opinion loudly. It was the same exact car, her family owned and she hated how the air conditioner never cools in this dessert heat. She hated how the color would just chip with a simple scratch. Most of all, she hated all the fights that happened between her parents because of the car. ‘I’m leaving’ she said as she tried to open the door.

‘Laish kel hatha?’ a white dishdasha started approaching her.  Sanaa in surprise turned around to look at her friends shocked. They motioned to leave the car but Sanaa got stopped with questions. ‘Why don’t you like the car? It didn’t do anything to you’ he stood in between her and her escape from the vehicle, which did nothing but rejuvenate those memories of the car in her head. ‘Bes. I don’t like it’ she replied back uninterested. ‘7aram 3alaish there should be a reason’ he said opening the door for her. ‘NO. I just don’t like its air conditioning’ she paused as she noted how frustrated, annoyed and loud her voice raised while getting out of the car. ‘It never cools’ she said lowering her voice politely as she stood in front of him. A huge shadow was blocking the bright sun from hitting her eyes; she noticed how she seemed like a dwarf compared to him. He was of average height but Sanaa was 4 feet 9 inches making most average height men seem like giants in her eyes.  Sanaa felt the heat flushing her cheeks; she never understood why she suddenly felt shy. Was it his towering frame over her or was it the Eastern accent of Sur that rolled out from his tongue when he said ‘Mashallah’ in admiration of her beautiful rounded eyes as her loose sunglasses dropped before she was able to catch them. Looking away, she bent quickly to pick them up before he was able to do the gentleman gesture of picking them up for her.  

With a quick maneuver, her sunglasses remained back intact blocking out her eyes again. Sanaa managed this time around to catch a glimpse of the almond shaped eyes of his and the long striking nose. He had chubby cheeks which looked adorable on his round shaped face and his smile, even though small, was sweetening to the air of her lungs. She smiled back and abruptly walked away urging her friends to leave. ‘Wait’ he screamed out as they started making their way to the Mercedes stall. ‘Do you girls drive?’ he asked as they turned around to face him.

‘Yes I do’

 ‘Yeah I drive’

 ‘Aiwa akeed’

‘Duhhhh of course’

One by one they all replied back with affirmative answers. But when it came to Sanaa she became mute with only a nod as a reply to the question. She officially lied in university campus for the first time. ‘Really? You drive?’ her friends looked at her surprisingly.  She didn’t have any other alternative, when all she wanted was to seem cool and acceptable. She silently kept blaming her parents who always postponed getting her the learner's permit by telling her the usual response ‘Inshallah’. 

‘Great, you can fill in these forms for the raffle draw and as well an opportunity for you to enjoy a test drive tomorrow’ he started giving out the raffle coupons. ‘Here are some pens, you can fill them now’ he said. They started filling in the coupons which asked for their name, phone number and email address.  A few minutes later and Sanaa and her friends went ahead enjoying the rest of their day with blissful music and an even serene poetry night.  

No Matter What: Chapter Seven

Dropping the mop, she was all exhausted doing housework. She resembled a scarecrow from how sucked out of life and skinny she was. Cleaning up behind her, she told the maid to  inform everyone that lunch was ready and served. Dragging her tired feet across the nippy kitchen tiled floor to the dining table, she clamped her tired hands on the rim of her chipped off plate with little food on it. Heading towards her room, the place where she had her food away from everyone else like an outcast, she placed her food aside and sighed from the fatigue that overtook her limbs and body.  She felt void and empty as her eyes caught a glimpse of the lucid glass of water poured a few days ago. She looked at it and thought deeply, but dismissed her dark thoughts immediately as she turned her face away. She was hesitant to have a sip; she wanted to drink it but put it on hold to drink it later.  She could drink it when she really needed to quench her thirst; when she couldn’t take it anymore. She could drink it when her cravings for it were too weak to be tamed.

Collapsing on her mattress to rest, she closed her eyes and remembered the smell of the fresh grass, the sounds of the kids playing dodge ball, the music from the loud sound systems from the modified cars of flirtatious lads, and the cold breeze of the air that day mixed with his hot breath brushing on her face. It was the day when it was her happiest. ‘Happy my love?’ his deep husky voice tingled her senses as she shut her eyes tighter reminiscing. ‘You made my dream come true’ she smiled as their foreheads met. An unforgettable sentiment overcame her that she couldn’t deny. A feeling that was one of a kind, it was an adrenaline rush, a zealous eager urge to explore, a merry mirthful state of shock; it was a serene peaceful stroke of happiness indeed. That cloudy lovely day etched in her mind while laying there with her knees drawn to her chest and her arms around them tightly. The memory made her relax as she smiled till her face muscles hurt. But then a jilt over came her as her mind summoned the red and blue, the shouts and screams, the torture and pain; the ill fated tragedy. She got up opening her eyes only to find herself sense she had enough. She had enough of the cold treatment she received. She had enough of this bitter life. She glanced deeply at that colorful glass which contained something that was contrary to vivid, but looked away as she rested her head on her bent knees. Picking up the notepad she hid before she left for her chores, it was still very dark. Noor grew accustomed to the darkness in her room, she found it soothing and relaxing. The idea of sunshine rays hitting the insides of her room was an idea Noor grew foreign to. In the end, nobody cared about her happiness in this large house, she thought to herself. She realized how life was a stupid idea to hang on to. '...there's nothing worth living for in this house. My light has gone and now I love darkness even more. I don't love you anymore.' she wrote down in her notepad after remembering to continue what she wrote in the morning. 'No no I love you. Why did I write that? I really do. Don't listen to her okay? She's just angry that's all.' she was confused; she didn't know what she was writing. She loved him but was convincing herself that without him, it would be better for everyone.  Sitting calmly she closed her eyes and took a deep breathe. Grabbing the glass of water, she knew she needed to douse her desire. She wanted it to have a rest from all the commotion that made her heart seem like a train wreck. She was positive that glass of water was the solution to all her problems. With the glass approaching her mouth, she parted her lips while a tear stroke down her right cheek, she gulped the water in the glass and in a second it was all gone.

Hyperventilating she sobbed and made her way to the shower. The warm water hit her tired fragile body covered with black and blue bruises on all the parts her clothes wrapped. The splatter of the water on her face rinsed off her tears that were more than the water she used to wash herself. For a moment, she forgot her worries and felt refreshed. She forgot where she was and what she was going through. She forgot about the plans she made and aspirations she had. She forgot about everything.  Though getting out of her quick shower, all the worries started sinking in again. The refreshed alleviated emotions crept out and the dark thoughts crawled back to their rightful places. She gazed at the hazy mirror in front of her and remembered everything. Hot vapor was still intoxicating the air as she slammed her hands on the basin under the mirror. She realized and saw daylight; Noor got through her head what she had just done. She apprehended it as silent tears crawled down of her face while she looked at her pale blurry silhouette.  The room suddenly seemed to spin around so fast. A loud sharp sound started alerting her ears; she tried to walk up to the door and cry for help but couldn’t move. She regretted what she had done. She was stupid to see that she loved life as much as she hated it. She struggled to get her feet past a few steps only for her to collapse on the floor breathless. Noor fell unconscious.