No Matter What: Chapter Seven

Dropping the mop, she was all exhausted doing housework. She resembled a scarecrow from how sucked out of life and skinny she was. Cleaning up behind her, she told the maid to  inform everyone that lunch was ready and served. Dragging her tired feet across the nippy kitchen tiled floor to the dining table, she clamped her tired hands on the rim of her chipped off plate with little food on it. Heading towards her room, the place where she had her food away from everyone else like an outcast, she placed her food aside and sighed from the fatigue that overtook her limbs and body.  She felt void and empty as her eyes caught a glimpse of the lucid glass of water poured a few days ago. She looked at it and thought deeply, but dismissed her dark thoughts immediately as she turned her face away. She was hesitant to have a sip; she wanted to drink it but put it on hold to drink it later.  She could drink it when she really needed to quench her thirst; when she couldn’t take it anymore. She could drink it when her cravings for it were too weak to be tamed.

Collapsing on her mattress to rest, she closed her eyes and remembered the smell of the fresh grass, the sounds of the kids playing dodge ball, the music from the loud sound systems from the modified cars of flirtatious lads, and the cold breeze of the air that day mixed with his hot breath brushing on her face. It was the day when it was her happiest. ‘Happy my love?’ his deep husky voice tingled her senses as she shut her eyes tighter reminiscing. ‘You made my dream come true’ she smiled as their foreheads met. An unforgettable sentiment overcame her that she couldn’t deny. A feeling that was one of a kind, it was an adrenaline rush, a zealous eager urge to explore, a merry mirthful state of shock; it was a serene peaceful stroke of happiness indeed. That cloudy lovely day etched in her mind while laying there with her knees drawn to her chest and her arms around them tightly. The memory made her relax as she smiled till her face muscles hurt. But then a jilt over came her as her mind summoned the red and blue, the shouts and screams, the torture and pain; the ill fated tragedy. She got up opening her eyes only to find herself sense she had enough. She had enough of the cold treatment she received. She had enough of this bitter life. She glanced deeply at that colorful glass which contained something that was contrary to vivid, but looked away as she rested her head on her bent knees. Picking up the notepad she hid before she left for her chores, it was still very dark. Noor grew accustomed to the darkness in her room, she found it soothing and relaxing. The idea of sunshine rays hitting the insides of her room was an idea Noor grew foreign to. In the end, nobody cared about her happiness in this large house, she thought to herself. She realized how life was a stupid idea to hang on to. '...there's nothing worth living for in this house. My light has gone and now I love darkness even more. I don't love you anymore.' she wrote down in her notepad after remembering to continue what she wrote in the morning. 'No no I love you. Why did I write that? I really do. Don't listen to her okay? She's just angry that's all.' she was confused; she didn't know what she was writing. She loved him but was convincing herself that without him, it would be better for everyone.  Sitting calmly she closed her eyes and took a deep breathe. Grabbing the glass of water, she knew she needed to douse her desire. She wanted it to have a rest from all the commotion that made her heart seem like a train wreck. She was positive that glass of water was the solution to all her problems. With the glass approaching her mouth, she parted her lips while a tear stroke down her right cheek, she gulped the water in the glass and in a second it was all gone.

Hyperventilating she sobbed and made her way to the shower. The warm water hit her tired fragile body covered with black and blue bruises on all the parts her clothes wrapped. The splatter of the water on her face rinsed off her tears that were more than the water she used to wash herself. For a moment, she forgot her worries and felt refreshed. She forgot where she was and what she was going through. She forgot about the plans she made and aspirations she had. She forgot about everything.  Though getting out of her quick shower, all the worries started sinking in again. The refreshed alleviated emotions crept out and the dark thoughts crawled back to their rightful places. She gazed at the hazy mirror in front of her and remembered everything. Hot vapor was still intoxicating the air as she slammed her hands on the basin under the mirror. She realized and saw daylight; Noor got through her head what she had just done. She apprehended it as silent tears crawled down of her face while she looked at her pale blurry silhouette.  The room suddenly seemed to spin around so fast. A loud sharp sound started alerting her ears; she tried to walk up to the door and cry for help but couldn’t move. She regretted what she had done. She was stupid to see that she loved life as much as she hated it. She struggled to get her feet past a few steps only for her to collapse on the floor breathless. Noor fell unconscious.