Musings of Lost Souls : Sama

She was walking up and down the hallway; all her close family members were watching her as she tried to deal with the shots of pain she was going through. She tried rocking her body as a sort of relief but failed. She tried squeezing pillows and teddy bears but for nothing to work. The only way was for her to walk back and forth until it all subsided. Cramps were overtaking her body as she felt she was about to throw up all the lunch she had. She closed her eyes shut as she gave in to the pain. Tears began stinging her eyes as she let out a loud scream. She wished he was here instead of all of those who were present. She needed him to take care of her and rub her back, but he wasn't anywhere to be found. She screamed out for his name but he didn't respond. She sobbed and screamed louder as the pain took over again and she was forced to lay in bed. She crawled herself into a fetal position as she cried herself to numbness while calling out for him.

'You are 10 centimeters dilated' the doctor came in to reassure her and her mother and mother-in-law who were with her. 'Now when I tell you to push, give me your best …' the doctor continued as she still was in a state of shock and denial. 'No no, this is not the time, tell them to wait' she told her mother. 'He must be coming any second' she was sure as she squeezed her mother’s hand. Looking and searching deep into her mother's black Bedouin eyes, she got the answer she was looking for; that he wasn't going to show up. She looked away to lay eyes on her full grown belly as her heart felt like a fragile crumbling biscuit.  At that moment she knew what she had to do, she knew it was time to gather all her strength for the sake of her baby. Nodding her head while sobbing she took in the doctor’s orders that it was time to push.

The white atmosphere around the very sanitary hospital would seem intimidating to anyone. Hospitals usually always had a feel that it was home to those who have lost hope. It was a place where dreams come to die, but in the maternity ward the word hospital meant where hope was born and where dreams come true.

Room 209 was no different than the others; it was a room that housed the newest mother. The sound of the baby cries was enough to bring smiles to everyone but her. She looked at her baby with pride and happiness but the tears she was crying weren't for her beautiful adorable son, they were for him, the king of her heart.

The tears were meant for the one who always made her smile whenever she was down; the one who was ready to face the world just for them to be together. The tears were for the one who made her whole and complete. She carried her baby in her arms. He looked perfect with his 10 fingers and 10 toes. His fingers were chubby and short, his nose was strikingly long and eagle-like, and he had the cutest flushed pink pursed lips exactly just like his father. She looked deep into her soul as she held her baby tight and said a name that silenced the festive mood in the air. 'Hamad' she said as she sniffed trying to muffle her sobs. I'm calling him 'Hamad' she said as everyone nodded in agreement.

'You shall share the name of a brave man, a man who you'd love if you met. This name means that you are praised and you always will be inshallah’ Sama whispered to her son as she took in his intoxicating smell and vowed to protect this precious life with her own. Little Hamad opened his tiny eyes and yawned stretching his petite small body. The cuteness of her newly born baby boy was something she wasn’t able to ignore. She couldn’t help but smile through the sadness that was looming around her soul. She gazed into his eyes which were small and almond shaped like hers, the eyes that her husband always wished his kids would have. ‘Hamoodi’ she whispered the nickname she bestowed on him. Sama grinned as she cuddled her baby, he was the only living thing left to remind her of her late husband. He was called Hamad.