Sun & Moon: Chapter Thirteen

He was excited, unable to comprehend or grasp the idea that she hugged him. He drowned himself in happy thoughts of him and her. How their lives will change after he comes clean with everything. Counting down the days in his head, he couldn’t imagine as he lay in bed. He decided to have a lazy day and imagine she was the pillow next to him as he hugged it in a tight embrace. ‘Soon enough’ he said to himself smiling as he looked at how much of a cleaner place his room has become because of her. He smirked and decided to continue his sleep with warming thoughts of their future.

‘Good morning ya 3asal’ he called out for her. She didn’t know if she was supposed to smile or laugh or just pull off a straight face. All the memories and feelings were gushing into her soul and didn’t know of whether she was to translate it into happiness, anger or sadness. He came closer to her as he brushed her hair away from her face and pinched her cheeks. ‘So how was your morning love?’ he asked as she got intoxicated with his presence. She felt her knees grow weak as she lost the grip of the shoes she had in her hand. She remained frozen still as he played with her hair waiting for her response. He started closing the space lingering between the two of them as their bodies touched. Sanaa felt goose bumps as she shuddered glaring into his eyes. Her heart was melting at every touch and advance he made. His warm breath was now against her cold dry skin. His fingers trailing the features of her ear and cheeks, she was helpless like a homeless person with nowhere to go. Her mind was in tumultuous struggle with her heart.  Resting her forehead against his, they were face to face. Closing her eyes, Sanaa imagined Bastiaan taking his place. She imagined how wonderful of a love he would share with her. She closed her eyes tight as she fought her inner self.  She looked away breaking the physical connection Hassan and her were having. She decided to look down at her feet, to calm herself down before she made a foolish move.  She looked at her claret painted toe nails, and the memory of her salty tears dropping and wetting her feet she recalled. The gutted feeling when those feet had to take the walk of shame after informing her father the truth. The cuts and bruises she exposed herself to when she took long walks at the beach to clear her head from the turmoil she felt inside. Sanaa was too composed for Hassan’s liking. ‘7abibti 7ayati I Love You’ he confessed it from the bottom of his heart. But she wasn’t moved, Sanaa remained cool, calm and collected; she seemed lifeless for a moment. Until a warm sensation overcame him, he felt a sharp pain on his face. Glancing over to Sanaa, he saw the anger on her face. He then realized it was a slap from her that gave out such excruciating numbing pain. ‘SIT DOWN’ Sanaa screamed at the top of her lungs commanding him to sit on the floor. ‘C’mon hun I Love You, doesn’t that mean anything’ Hassan tried to talk his way out of her temper. But Sanaa felt nothing but a growing anger for taking what he did lightly. Sanaa was no longer the puppy who would come running to its owner.  She was different, stronger and much more assertive. ‘SHUT UP AND SIT’ she gestured firmly to the seating area next to her. 

It was getting darker, dimmer and bleak. The air wasn’t filled with warmth anymore, it was cold and bitter. The blue flooring in her room seemed black; the walls didn’t seem engaging and inviting but seemed scary and daunting. The atmosphere of the room was intimidating for Hassan who never expected things to turn the way it had. He had always kept in mind that she would always be welcoming with her warm embrace and magical smile. He never thought this through when he decided to fly over and confess he will always have feelings for her. His life wasn’t the same anymore; it wasn’t the same without her. He had lost everything he cared for because of his betraying egotistic attitude; he lost his wife, his son and most of all the respect of everyone around him. He needed her to forgive him; he now realized who cherished his love truly. He wanted her back in his life. Sanaa remained quiet unable to open her mouth to talk about what she hated the most; his infidelity, his abandonment or his return. Opening her lips to speak, she noticed how Hassan never changed; he looked the same way he did when they first met, six years ago, while she already had white hairs, slight wrinkling near her eyes and a better self esteem. She exhaled her worries and began to speak.

‘Remember these shoes? I’m sure you don’t. But I remember them, they were the shoes I had carefully picked out months ahead for what was supposed to be the happiest day in my life. You might wonder why I have them but they were the waking reminder of something I vowed that won’t happen to me again. I won’t play the strong lady card and say I wasn’t hurt. I was hurt more than once by you and your selfish acts. ‘

Hassan tried to explain to Sanaa how he has done the biggest mistake of his life only for Sanaa to give him a firm aggressive look ‘I will tell you when to speak’ she told him as she continued.

‘I have waited so long for this day to come, the day when I will confront you with everything you did to me. And now this day is here, and I have nothing to say to you but this; I loathe the day I ever met you’ she paused as she breathed in and dug deep down to expose what has worked on concealing all these years.

‘There’s nothing left for me to give, you no longer complete me. You no longer matter to me; you no longer are a part of my life. It’s over, over, OVER’ she shouted it out for her brain to register that she now has closure.

She felt disgusted as she looked at him when he still had a sly smile on his face. ‘Now leave’ she demanded of him. I don’t need to hear what you have to say, just leave she pushed him as he tried to explain himself. ‘No I won’t leave’ he held the side of her arms. ‘Not until you listen to me’ he told her as he pushed her to the floor. ‘You will LEAVE’ Sanaa stood up to him. ‘You disgust me’ she said it out loud as he froze at her remark. ’To the door’ she pointed to the white wooden heavy exit as he grew in shock of how changed Sanaa was. Unlocking the door for him, she kicked him out her apartment and threw away the food and coffee he had to his face. ‘Goodbye forever’ she spit on him as she forced herself to unleash the hidden feelings she had. Shutting the door behind her and locking it, a sudden outburst of laughter overcame her as she leaned on the door until a large bang sent her shockwaves that it wasn’t over.

‘You think it’s that EASY?’ he banged on the door and yelled at the top of his lungs. The feeling of happiness in herself started being replaced with apprehension. ‘HOW DARE YOU?’ he banged even harder that the door shook as she started shivering fearing for her life. Sanaa walked away from the door scared. Hassan began frantically banging and knocking the door as she crawled away. She remembered her haunting nightmares and how the dreadful feelings started to overcome the joy she felt. She remembered the evening years ago when she sat in a car with him. The constant fear she had following her like a shadow, when she told him he wasn’t being romantic enough, the sly smile that followed as he battered her head against the side window of the passenger’s seat, and the hours after the incident when she tried hiding her bruises with foundation before she headed home. That terror and fright crushed the confidence she just had a few minutes ago when she felt invincible for doing something she never did before; facing her past.  Hurriedly crawling to the other side of the room, she reached out for her phone.  With the banging and screams of Hassan getting louder, she closed her eyes praying that the ringing would end up with someone replying.

‘Hello. Help me please’