Sun & Moon: Chapter Nine

'I Still Love You' 

She read it over and over again. She remembered his voice and the way he used to repeat it near her ear as she blushed and moved away shyly. She remembered his accent, that captivating Eastern accent which managed to always make her smile. She recalled how stylish he wore his dishdashas along with the Omani Kemma tilted to the side. She reminisced on how exquisite he always smelt; the typical heavy Arabian perfume mixed with the manly Hugo Boss for men; his signature scent. She took a deep sniff only for her to take in the musty dry air in the library. Sanaa felt lost in between fantasy and reality. She found herself astray, her defenses were breaking down one at a time the moment she saw the confession wall. Sanaa was speechless unable to comprehend why her life had to be so cruel. She didn’t understand why she had to let him in her life. She didn’t know why she allowed him to step on her soul and spirit. She couldn’t get how he still had power and reign of her heart. She smiled as she read it, but soon enough the grin changed into anger. ‘How dare he?’ she told herself as she pushed back the flap and rolled up her sleeves. It was time for the confrontation she never gathered the courage to have. It was time for her to erase what she had tried years to reduce to nothing. Placing her perfectly manicured claret ruby painted nails on the keys; she took a deep breath and began typing.

Throughout life, I never was happier than I was with you. It was good times, happy times. Times that I wished would never end. But now? Now there’s nothing but hatred and bitterness left. How dare you say that you love me when all you tried and strived to do in years was hurt me. We have no future together, that was your words and that was your choice. You can’t do this to me anymore. I won’t end up crawling back to you like I have over and over. Not when I have forgotten about you and your filthy ways. After all that has been said and done, I have forgiven you but would never forget and will always thank you for making me stronger, braver and fearless. Good luck with your life.

Pressing Enter, an immediate relief and weight was lifted off her shoulders. It was the very first time Sanaa conveyed what she wanted to say after that dreadful horror night. It was two years since it happened, and Sanaa never seemed to forgive herself on why it did. It was a night that changed the way she was forever. She could see him responding and writing a message for her, but Sanaa wasn’t interested in knowing what he had to say. She had had enough of his sweet talk and it was time to wipe him out of her life for good. She was meant for great things, and being bitter and sour wasn’t an obstacle she wanted to face anymore. ‘I am destined for great things. I am destined for remarkable things. I am destined for noble things’ she told herself as she clicked on the delete contact icon. She smiled a wide grin as the pop up read CONTACT DELETED. For once in her life, she never bothered on what the other person had to offer or say. She felt in control of her situation; a power that she rarely had. She felt lighter, jovial and tranquil. Sanaa never felt such liberation that it felt extraordinary. She was free like a bird. Stretching her hands, she looked up to the gold decorated ceiling and released a loud laugh. She laughed louder as if she was a child being showered with glitter. ‘Thank You’ she thanked the power above for giving her the strength to do what she couldn’t ages ago. 

Sanaa stayed looking up for what seemed another hour; content and relaxed while contemplating on the artwork of the library’s ancient ceiling. Beautiful drawings of horses and epic landscape painted in gold, green and brown. It was a peaceful sight, a sight that was perfect to indulge in after what she has been through. ‘A new chapter’ she thought, ‘A new life’ she smirked as if the ceiling was a human being watching over her.  It was growing darker and even the lights were going off. It was the librarian closing off all the lights before clearing his throat, indicating it was time for them to close. ‘Ready to leave beautiful lady? ’ his voice made absolute serenity so close by as she looked into his eyes. She smiled nodding her head. ‘Let me help you out’ Bastiaan said in a soothing voice. Smiling Sanaa handed over the now shut laptop to him, so he would pack it back into the black leather laptop bag.

Heading out of the library, the sky was an amazing deep shade of indigo; shadowy and dark, with the orange yellow street lights illuminating the streets and canal. The breeze blowing in Sanaa’s face felt like it was washing off all those tears she once cried because of a broken heart. She felt fresh and lively, Sanaa smiled the widest smile she had in a very long time; it was a genuine happy smile and not the one she expertly pulled off to show that she was at ease and content. As they walked side to side with their laptop bags hitting each other, they enjoyed the music coming from a familiar place to him. It was his favorite spot to enjoy some hearty food and soulful jazz music. Bastiaan smiled as the tempo changed to something that would alleviate him in an instant; a Coldplay song. ‘Oh’ Sanaa grew in shock as her mind registered that her favorite song was playing. Sanaa grew with joy. ‘It’s a sign’ she said out loud to him. Bastiaan surprised tried to understand if what she was trying to say was what he had in his mind the whole time. ‘It’s a sign that life will be great from now on’ she said as she picked up pace walking past him. ‘EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY’ Sanaa screamed at the top of her lungs as she rushed to the inn. Bastiaan followed her but soon paused. He was petrified. He had heard of how most women in Oman wouldn’t accept to go out with a foreigner. He had heard all the rejection stories his brother went through while in the GCC, and he surely knew his fate would be the same one. But Sanaa came back as if she realized what was in his head. She approached him and reached out for his hand. She looked up to his face and said ‘See I usually don’t do this but…’ she paused as Bastiaan’s hopes felt like they were getting flushed away.  ‘But…’ she paused again as she looked at his shoes, keeping him in suspense ‘ But… I am over the moon right now, so would you join me for dinner?’ she beamed like a beacon as she saw his face lighten up. Bastiaan’s nervousness was somewhat gone, he then was certain of what he kept telling his friends all along; that the Omani girl was different, unique and a breath of fresh air.