No Matter What: Chapter Three

'I crossed my heart and vowed to write to you, but it's hard. It's something I have never done before for anyone in my life' writing down he heard the barista's voice, he carefully placed his pen beside the now closed notepad as he progressed to the front counter. The barista called out for 'One turtle mocha and chicken quiche’. Heading to get his order, he remembered how an additional order for a caramel cheesecake and mocha cooler would accompany his order always. He smiled as he took a walk down the corner of 1st & love of reminisced memories. The sad soft voice stating he’ll be missed, being told off for not replying back and finally a smile and giggle was the ritual he had to go through to get his meal, but now that ritual was no more.  He rushed back with his coffee and quiche trying to find words to express his jumbled emotions only for him to struggle. How could he explain something that she already knew? He pondered wondering about the thought, but soon picked up his pen, uncapping it and started writing on the crisp white paper.

'Funny how I am so used to seeing twos of everything; two mugs of coffee, two plates of food, the two of us.’ He paused as he remembered the canvas of her face, that cute little nose of hers, her random stupid dance moves and the sound of her giggles. He couldn’t help but laugh at the image he had of her in his head. She was all that and more. She was the one that stole his heart and kept it with her for keeps. But now all he does is sit there with the coffee beans aroma filling the air carrying a heart that was returned back to him broken and impaired. 

‘I am here having what you would always order. I can never understand how you can have a rich salty quiche coupled with a very sweet mocha drink. I guess I am getting used to it though, since I have it almost everyday. I miss you and miss everything about you. Every place I would drive by reminds me of you. I shared with you too much that all I do now is just stay home or visit this coffee place. Something about this place has a soothing effect; knowing that you sat at this very chair writing for me earlier makes me feel closer to you. I know it’s a slim chance to lay my eyes on you but I would live off that hope with every single breath I take. You have become my life, my existence, my own self. How can I not have you here with me? This, I find hard to comprehend. But you were here and that is more than enough for my heart to feed off from. Who am I kidding? You are still far away. I try to act all brave and strong for you but it’s shattering me to pieces’ he carved the sheet with his confused feelings; he felt he was about to lose his mind. He couldn’t understand why they were not meant to be when his insides told him otherwise. He was going insane; he needed her but knew it was impossible. Struggling to feel what he felt next, he gulped the mocha drink down his throat as he squeezed his fingers onto the pen, ‘Without you I am dead. I miss you N…'

'Ahleen boss? Mu 5abar? Long time no see ya5i'* a friend of Shihab interrupted the moment his soul shared with his notepad. He simpered widely in an attempt to hide his drowning teary eyes, greeting his friend who he hasn't seen in months while closing the pad shut for him to write some other time.


* 'Hey man? What's up? Long time no see bro'