No Matter What: Chapter Four

Previously
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'Ahleen boss? Mu 5abar? Long time no see ya5i' a friend of Shihab interrupted the moment his soul shared with his notepad. He simpered widely in an attempt to hide his drowning teary eyes, greeting his friend who he hasn't seen in months and closed the pad for him to write some other time.
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Windy and dark, the place might seem lifeless to the deaf. Chuckles of couples enjoying some romance together were the sounds the wind carried. He looked out of his car’s windshield in search of a particular sound. A sound that reminded him of her giggles, when he used to walk back in a wobbly manner while bringing in their coffee order. With the driver’s seat slanted to the back, he rested his feet on the dashboard as his eyes wandered around looking at all those who were walking past him. He then remembered that it couldn’t be her, how could she come here when her family were breathing down her neck? How could she come when what they had was bound to be over? He sighed in despair while he enjoyed the melodies filling his ear drums and laid his head back holding on to the little hope he had left.


‘Everything’ by Lifehouse is playing at the background as the car is parked at their favorite spot in the city. It has become a ritual for him to drown himself from all that inflicts pain with that of a memory ever so sweet; the place they first talked under the beautiful sunset overlooking the sandy golden beach and the emerald green sea. It is their song that is in the airwaves traveling down the path of his ears. The lyrics meant everything to both of them; it somehow gave him a sense of her presence around him no matter how far away she was from him. A tear so rare managed to escape from the corner of his left eye. He needed to feel her and hear from her. In the end, she was the light that led him to the place where he found peace.* He went through a lot of hard times in his life but a gaze from Noor's eyes took all the bitterness and heartaches away. A glance at her next to him made him all better. Noor was without a doubt his everything.


It has been three months since he heard a single word from her, but he was sure that she was okay and missing him. Shihab has been preparing himself for the worst each morning he wakes and starts panicking on his loved one, hoping that her family didn't do anything to physically hurt her. He worries himself to death, struggles with his inner heart and ends up breathless each day until he lays his eyes on the color pink, a color which never failed to calm his senses down; her favorite color. A florescent pink post-it he gets everyday but Fridays was the sign he always received from her; that she was fine and safe. He smiles remembering the post-it and reaches out for his pockets to pull out the one he got today that had her handwriting and scent all over it. He sniffed a long sniff, taking her aroma in and read what she always wrote on it, 'No Matter What'.


The speakers shook vigorously from the base as the song shuffled to another. His heart raced in a scare and disrupted his daydream. As he got his thinking straight, he heard closely to the song and smiled. A boost he got once the CD track switched to ‘Touch My Hand’. He beamed like a beacon while remembering how this was exactly how they met. With the dark sky beginning to light up with tiny sparkling stars, he stepped out of the car wiping away his tears while the music blasted. He grabbed the notepad that had the post-it glued on its front page and imagined the notepad was her. Dancing his way to the beats, he wrapped his arms around imaginary Noor while swaying left and right.


Noor was looking out the window the same night picturing how her life would have been if she had different parents. She started sobbing on how she was locked up in four walls with only a meal per day. She hated her life but how can she hate it when Shihab was her life? He is the reason she is still holding on to the ropes of hope. She looked at her watch waiting for the clock to strike 8 sharp. As soon as it did, she rushed reaching out for her mp3 player and switched it on. The FM Radio tuner was set to 90.4 English FM, and she knew that she would listen to something that was an indication that he was fine. Then she heard it, the song that made her heart stop; 'Touch My Hand'. She became hysterical and laughed her first laugh in a very long while. She laid on her tiny mattress as she sighed and increased the volume to the max. Shutting her eyes, she let the music take her to the memory they both shared.


* Lyrics from 'Everything' - Lifehouse 

No Matter What: Chapter Three

'I crossed my heart and vowed to write to you, but it's hard. It's something I have never done before for anyone in my life' writing down he heard the barista's voice, he carefully placed his pen beside the now closed notepad as he progressed to the front counter. The barista called out for 'One turtle mocha and chicken quiche’. Heading to get his order, he remembered how an additional order for a caramel cheesecake and mocha cooler would accompany his order always. He smiled as he took a walk down the corner of 1st & love of reminisced memories. The sad soft voice stating he’ll be missed, being told off for not replying back and finally a smile and giggle was the ritual he had to go through to get his meal, but now that ritual was no more.  He rushed back with his coffee and quiche trying to find words to express his jumbled emotions only for him to struggle. How could he explain something that she already knew? He pondered wondering about the thought, but soon picked up his pen, uncapping it and started writing on the crisp white paper.

'Funny how I am so used to seeing twos of everything; two mugs of coffee, two plates of food, the two of us.’ He paused as he remembered the canvas of her face, that cute little nose of hers, her random stupid dance moves and the sound of her giggles. He couldn’t help but laugh at the image he had of her in his head. She was all that and more. She was the one that stole his heart and kept it with her for keeps. But now all he does is sit there with the coffee beans aroma filling the air carrying a heart that was returned back to him broken and impaired. 

‘I am here having what you would always order. I can never understand how you can have a rich salty quiche coupled with a very sweet mocha drink. I guess I am getting used to it though, since I have it almost everyday. I miss you and miss everything about you. Every place I would drive by reminds me of you. I shared with you too much that all I do now is just stay home or visit this coffee place. Something about this place has a soothing effect; knowing that you sat at this very chair writing for me earlier makes me feel closer to you. I know it’s a slim chance to lay my eyes on you but I would live off that hope with every single breath I take. You have become my life, my existence, my own self. How can I not have you here with me? This, I find hard to comprehend. But you were here and that is more than enough for my heart to feed off from. Who am I kidding? You are still far away. I try to act all brave and strong for you but it’s shattering me to pieces’ he carved the sheet with his confused feelings; he felt he was about to lose his mind. He couldn’t understand why they were not meant to be when his insides told him otherwise. He was going insane; he needed her but knew it was impossible. Struggling to feel what he felt next, he gulped the mocha drink down his throat as he squeezed his fingers onto the pen, ‘Without you I am dead. I miss you N…'

'Ahleen boss? Mu 5abar? Long time no see ya5i'* a friend of Shihab interrupted the moment his soul shared with his notepad. He simpered widely in an attempt to hide his drowning teary eyes, greeting his friend who he hasn't seen in months while closing the pad shut for him to write some other time.


* 'Hey man? What's up? Long time no see bro' 

No Matter What: Chapter Two

... Previously ...


‘I'm just having coffee. It’s nothing to panic about' she started calming herself down. As she reached out to the tray, she found her hands shaking from her nervousness that hit all of a sudden. Being a frequent customer there, the barista offered to bring her order to where she was lounging.

...

The cheesecake was as exquisite as always and the mocha drink was just what she needed to boost up her energy levels. As she turned back to her notebook again to continue writing, her phone flashed a white screen with the name 'MAMA' in bold block prints alerting the identity of the caller. Her mother she thought wasn't really her mother in her opinion; she would rather call her anything but such a name. A name that meant nurturing and care, a name that gave off warmth in a very cold winter night. A name she thought she would do more justice when she has kids than that of her own parent. She really hated her mother for what she made her go through. Being locked up and treated like an inmate in her own house was the worst torture she had to endure thanks to this lady. 'Hel…' she couldn't even complete her greeting only for her mother to yell at her first screaming at her to 'Get back home NOW'. Sadness overwhelmed her emotions, she felt herself breaking not wanting to leave this place. ‘Come on, let’s go’ her brother scolded her in an angry tone. She didn’t want to go back to that house of horrors. A house that felt more like a prison cell; Alcatraz she called it for years from how much she loathed the cubical nightmare, but she had to go.    

Getting back home all blue and unhappy, she arrives at the door only for her mother to open the door and yell at how late she was. ‘But it’s…’ she tried to explain. ‘No Buts. My house, MY RULES’ her mom said firmly in a very loud voice. 'Home Sweet Home' was something of a fantasy in her mind; it would never happen with a mother of such.  Her mother was a very strict and always angry person. She never allowed excuses in regards to anything. Her parenting skills were those of a boarding school teacher or as all the neighbors put it like a drill sergeant. She tried to explain further ‘Mama I’m...’ but her mother still refused to hear her excuse. ‘To your room at ONCE’ she ordered after confiscating her mobile phone. Storming upstairs to her room in loud stomps and tears, she heard her father and brothers quarreling; they were still arguing on which place they should order the halwa* from. One of her brothers was getting married sometime in a few weeks and the arrangements were taking a toll on the family. Preparations were a headache on its own; the guest list, the mosque venue, the food, the rentals of the khanjar** and turbans for the groom and best man. Festivities were in the air but it never felt like a fun experience to her. She was in her own miserable shell which she didn’t want to break out from. ‘Would you keep it down?’ her father shouted pointing at her, even though their shouts and screams were much louder. According to him, it was deemed embarrassing for a man to hear a woman’s cry.

Reaching out to the door it felt as cold as she felt; abandoned and left to rot. The feeling that it was the end of her life kept on creeping into her soul at a faster pace each day. She detested anything and everything. In her point of view, her life was over. The end credits of her lifetime story were soon to be concluded and she was just waiting for the grand 'Le Fin' to fade into the screening of her life. Pushing open the door to her room, she threw her bag and notepad aside and moved away from her tiny mattress. She headed on to dig up something from her wardrobe dresser. A teddy bear she searched for and found. Taking a pause to glimpse at the teddy bear’s features, her eyes dazed at the heart shaped cushion the teddy bear was holding. ‘Just For You’ it read as she gasped for air and hugged the fluffy pink toy tight. The scent of oud started alleviating her senses as she breathed it in; the teddy still had his scent on. She held it tighter as she closed her eyes shut and imagined Shihab hugging her as tight as the teddy between her tiny little arms. His clean lovely beard adorning his chin, his smile and pearly whites that never failed to make her beam like a beacon, the way he’d always pinch her cheeks, and the way he held her hand she envisioned in her mind. She cried as she collapsed to the floor with her back leaning on the dresser’s door. She couldn’t believe that this was happening. She missed him that every flesh and bone in her being hurt. She missed him dearly, she really did. After all, he was the air she breathed. 


* Traditional Omani sweet that is served in special occasions.
** Part of the traditional Omani dress code for men; a dagger worn around the waist.

No Matter What: Chapter One

Opening her notepad she sat down writing all that came flowing in her mind. She was bedazzled by what has happened to her these past few months. She didn't even know how to start. 'Dear Diary' she began writing but struck it out. She remembered it wasn't her diary; in fact it was the first time in years she actually picked up a pen to write down meaningful hearty stuff. She grew too foreign to pen and paper with all those gadgets being around her for what has seemed to be ages. 'Dear Diary' she started writing down again on the blank page, but then scrapped it out. ‘Should it be a diary or shall it not be?’ was a question that startled her. She didn't know for sure why she decided to write, 'Why exactly today?' she wondered to herself. 'Why not sooner?' she wondered deep down her soul. 'Because I feel like it today, because I am overwhelmed with so much that I don't know how to function anymore. Merely because I feel choked and suffocated; I am LOST.' She went on writing then stopped surprised on how the flow of black ink on the freshly white paper felt; ever so smooth and relaxing. A grin drew upon her face, one that disappeared from her face months ago from all the despair and hurt. She grinned as she kept on writing; writing she thought was her safe haven and her drug for now. Writing numbed out all the pain; it was her ultimate dosage of morphine  

‘So I am scribbling down on this piece of paper not knowing what the future holds. I am writing for all those reasons I began my first sentences with. I feel lost and sad. I don't know how I can ever be able to describe how I actually feel here but all I know is; I am feeling much better already. With no friends or siblings to turn to, I chose you, my dearest notepad, to share with you what makes me in such a weak situation.’ She wrote and wrote.

‘Throughout all my life I always thought that patience would lead to greatness. That God would reward me by taking me to a paved road after walking on a rough jagged bumpy track. I was disappointed to see that my fate was always destined to be on that uneven path; my trip on the fast smooth lane was only a momentary thing. 

     I was never the ultimate girl that people always turned to when they were facing all sorts of problems. I was and will always remain that hurt girl who was blamed for everything, the girl that hid her problems and chose to stay in in in in …’ the ink of the black flowy pen ran out. 

Reaching out to her bag, she pulled out another pen and went on ‘…in the dark meadows.’ she frowned as she wrote; the pen was blue in color and didn’t give off the feel it did when she wrote with her previous pen. Choosing to ignore this mishap she carried on writing ‘But hey, you always wake up each day taking a chance on making your life and day a much better one. Then you forget yourself and go astray only to find sharks who would do anything to see you tremble in fear and crushed. It hurts and makes you wish you could take back the days, hours, minutes and seconds where you went wrong, but that would never happen would it?.' 

    'And Shisho?' she took a long pose thinking about him with tears rolling down her eyes. 'Well...' she continued putting her pen on paper 'he's just suffering along with me. I am in pain that refuses to go away and I can hardly imagine what he is going through.’ she sighed from the agony.  ‘Being apart like this wasn't how I pictured it to be. Heck I never in a million years thought of the worst case scenario. Shiha...'

                                   

She dropped her pen from the surprise of hearing 'One mocha cooler and caramel cheese cake' from the barista. She was at her favorite café pouring down her thoughts and feelings. She stood up to get her tray only for her to see her brother staring at her from far. Her heartbeats started palpating so fast as if she was doing something wrong. ‘I'm just having coffee. It’s nothing to panic about' she calmed herself down. As she reached out to the tray, she found her hands shaking from the nervousness that hit all of a sudden. Being a frequent customer there, the barista offered to bring her order to where she was lounging. 

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No Matter What: Intro

This story is one that I have been working on for quite a few months now. It has somewhat become a personal project of mine that I can't live without. The stories like my previous works will be placed in chapters per week. I will be placing the first part shortly in hopes of getting your reviews and comments (that would be a boost for me to post another chapter faster) ... 


Hope you guys will like it. 


Part One will be posted shortly..!!

Them Doodles

This blog is dedicated to all the doodles that I have scribbled down throughout the years on my notebooks. The idea of this blog came by after deciding to collect all my stories in one place rather than having them scattered around in my main blog. Follow me here and on my scribblings too