No Matter What: Chapter Twenty Two

‘Mabrook alf alf mabrook’ she goes ahead and hugs her tight. 'Do you mind? I am writing here' she tells her off. Giggling and having a fun time teasing her, she apologizes 'Okay okay I'm sorry, but I can’t help it'.

Love has been the most constant thing in my life. Your love has been the light that led the dark dodgy path, which knew no radiance or pleasure. Your love was the most cherished possession which I called my own. You have been my savior, my guardian, my angel, my past and my present. The meaning of affection, I once joked around and laughed at has eventually found its way to my core and I am thankful. Grateful for what I have and what will always be mine. The time has come when I tell the world that you are mine, the apple of my eye and my all. Shaking from the tense feeling that I am going through; I am nervous and scared of not knowing the future but I know it is worth it all; for you, for our love, for us.

She wrote as the sounds of annoying blow-dryers, women chattering and the casual music seeping through out the gap Fajr left on the door. 'Do you mind shutting the door close?' Noor spoke out loudly so Fajr could hear her. As Fajr headed towards the cherry wooden door, she took a deep breath while grasping the handle and closed the door shut as she closed down the chapter of their lives together.

CLICK… CLICK…

She locked the wooden rectangle in front of her and took a look at her friend who was now bright and beaming, not as pale, frail and in agnoy as she used to be; a friend who she was thankful she didn't have to go through what she had in the name of love. A hint of jealousy mixed with her ever so pure feelings of happiness. She envied what she got out of life, men who would do anything to fight for her. Not only did she envy her for Shihab but she was even lucky to have a man like Hilal who sacrificed himself being cut out off his family just so that he could afford to provide Noor with the happy life she ever so deserved. She so wished she had led her life now. She envied her when Hilal donated his blood to save her soul mate. She wished she had the one who would be prepared to fight for her. One who would start a war just to win her heart and love. The one who would go through the impossible to secure that one thing she craved for; a happy family. 'Fajr will you marry me?' his voice started to repeat in her head. 

She stopped next to his car, like they did many times before. She paused for a moment reminiscing over the memories where she would find him rolling down his window and putting up a cheesy grin prepared to be wowed by her sense of style. She smiled a painful smile looking out to see an empty driver's seat behind her black tinted window. She knew what she had to do as she looked at herself in the mirror straightening and twirling those rebellious curls of hers. She was looking at an older image of hers with dark eyed circles the concealer failed to cover, small wrinkles creeping out of her eyes from all the crying she did. She looked deeper for her to stop at the frame she sees at the mirror; it was him, waiting for her with the signature cheesy grin of his. 'If he only knows' she said to herself as she stepped out of the car approaching him. '7abibti' he shrieked out as he hugged her ever so tight. She wanted to fight him off but his scent and touch overpowered her to accept it. She missed everything about him from his eyes to his husky deep voice to his heartbeats. She closed her eyes shut as she rested in between his arms as the high waves slapped into each other in such harmony it appeases those who listen to them. She looks up as she breaks his hug and stares at him with his clean shave goatee and trimmed moustache. She looks at the face that she used to stare at only it was a different face. His face has aged as much as hers did; he looked older than his real age. Taimur had white hairs peeping through his hair, his side burns have also turned grey. He had wrinkles on his forehead from the constant thinking that controlled his life the past five years. His eyes were puffy, tired and yellow; Taimur wasn't the same vibrant jolly guy she knew. He changed, he was different. 

They remained in silence for what seemed for eternity as they walked down to the beach with their jeans rolled up to their knees. Taimur knew that he had to talk; he had to explain himself as to why it never happened. He had to tell her that she was in his mind all these years; that he has always imagined Tahani to be her, that's how he managed to cope with what his father destined for him. He had to speak or else he would lose her again, which he couldn't afford. He wanted her in his life like he always dreamt of whenever his eyes would close shut. He cleared his throat as he felt every inch of him shiver from the fear of what he might say. He turned to face her as he reached out to touch her chin; he was prepared and ready to spill it out for her. 'Fajr' he started to speak though he knew nothing would bring the past back, he struggled and continued 'Fajr, will you…' She turned to him as she listened to what he wanted to say. 'Fajr will you marry me?', staggered at what he just said, he wanted to speak out that it wasn’t what he meant to say but for nothing to come out of his mouth. He couldn’t produce a sound because deep down that was what he wanted to say. ‘Please say yes’ he started praying that she would agree.  

Fajr stayed there in shock. Those were the words she wanted to hear all this time; the words she always dreamt of coming from his deep husky voice. Fajr felt as if a thousand daggers got stabbed into her heart at once. Her heart was bleeding from the pain of irony, that even though it was her dream come true, it was painful. She wanted to share the rest of her life with him; her Tay, her soul mate but her dignity wouldn't allow it. She burst out laughing loud baffling even Taimur who expected a shriek and hug for his proposal or a punch on how he would dare such a thing. But soon those laughs turned into anger, sadness and tears, Fajr started sobbing uncontrollably leaving Taimur with nothing to do but hug her. She cried until she fell asleep in between his arms. With the cold breeze blowing her lovely scent to where Taimur could smell it, he started to reminisce as he held her tight. Her lavender aroma reminded him of their history of who they were, of who she was which made him quiver. Taimur remembered Fajr and how she used to be; independent eloquent and most of all strong but now all he could see was a crushed and wounded soul. He remembered how she refused to let him see her tears but now she was in his arms because of those same tears. A snuffle he took when a tear crawled down his cheek.  It dawned on him that she didn’t deserve this. Taimur realized that all she ever wanted was closure, which she never had.

Waking up she found herself alone in a car. She fretted for a second trying to figure out what happened only for a man to knock her window with a cup of warm steamy tea in his hand. She couldn't figure out who it was until she noted that it was Taimur. Rolling down her window, ‘Chai Latte your favorite' he handed it to her. Drinking it she smiled 'I forgot how thoughtful you were'. He smiled an aching grin while his eyes were locked at her. Clearing his throat he was getting ill from the mere thought of what he was going to say. His knees started shaking, tremors overtook the function of his hands and voice, he was calling out her name ‘Fffff-aaa-jjj-rr. Oh how it feels when I call your name, I’ll miss that’ he said as he leaned over her window and stroked her soft curls. ‘I know I have hurt you more than you can imagine and I know I was such a coward to not even confront you about it then. I was young and a fool. So to make it up to you can I have this evening with you and have our chapter’s ending a happy one?’

'Fajr hurry hurry' she called out for her as Fajr was leaning on the door she locked up.