No Matter What: Chapter Seventeen (1)

She was struggling with her inner self. Should she reply back? Should she talk to him after what happened?  Should she allow herself to be shattered to pieces? ‘No, no I won’t reply back’ she said to herself, but she missed him dearly. The life she led now never filled the void he left in her heart. But then she wondered how it would be to feel her heart soothe by just seeing his number and name on the screen. ‘But he hurt you Fajr, why can’t you just let go?’ her conscious took upon itself to advocate her against it. ‘It wasn’t his fault’. She was certain that what she would do next is something she deserved; to rest her tired restless mind and get the closure she always was seeking for. For the first time in the last five years, she decided to confront him and ask why he never fought for him, for her, for them.

‘I miss you too’ she typed it down but at the last minute bailed out of her plan. She felt her heart heavy, she couldn’t take it. She suddenly felt sick and disgusted on how low she made herself be because of him.  But she needed to know his answer, she convinced her conscious.  She kept on staring on the four words she typed while her thumb was still brushing over the ‘send’ button. Closing her eyes, she decided to send it only for her to step back from that decision. ‘I’ll save it in the drafts’ she told herself but her jamming touch-screen phone did what she didn’t want. ‘NO .. NO..  NO.. ’ she screamed out in hopes she could retrieve what has been just done. Throwing her phone on the ground from frustration she leaned her head on her palms as she closed her eyes tight in regret. The phone hit the send by mistake.