No Matter What: Chapter Fifteen (2)

‘Never leave my side. Don’t ever say bye bye’ they sang as they chuckled and laughed. It was a bright sunny day with yet a light breeze. A few kids were roaming around with their kites and bikes, some others were playing dodge ball while some played football. Various groups in different spots were already starting a fire to barbeque marinated meat and chicken they carefully placed in wet wooden skewers. Old women had their famous Arabian coffee and fruits placed on their mats as they enjoyed gossiping about anything and everything, and girlfriends exchanging friendship bracelets as a celebration of their platonic love. The typical type of people you would see around the green patches at the park on a weekend. Then you had them barefoot and holding hands as they stroll around happily in the park. The grass was green and wet from being freshly watered. They could feel the coldness that refreshed their senses as they walked on it. An earphone plunged in one ear of each as they enjoyed the melodies of songs they deeply cherished. He let go of her hand and stopped for a moment. She was surprised as she looked behind when the earphone got pulled out. ‘Are you okay?’ she asked worriedly. A devilish grin drew on his face; his plan was working. He swept her off her feet and carried her in his arms. ‘Oh my god’ she squeaked then giggled hiding her face shyly. He smiled overwhelmed with happiness as he saw her reaction. He swiveled her around making her dream come true. Fearing to fall off she quickly placed her arms around his neck as he gazed into her eyes. ‘Happy my love?’ he asked her with a smirk drawing on his face while his forehead leaned on hers. ‘You made my dream come true’ she smiled while looking at him with all love and affection. Noor was always fond of the movie ‘An Officer & A Gentleman’. She would always fantasize of having her prince charming lifting her and carrying her around once he claimed her as his. Shihab kept on carrying her till they reached to their picnic spot. A large checkered red and white mat was laid on the floor. A wooden basket was placed on top along with an unzipped backpack that had their shoes peeking outside the corners of the opened flap.

It was perfect in her eyes, the perfect definition of the day that marked a new beginning; the day she exchanged vows with her true love. Reaching out to his chin as he placed her on the floor, she noticed how he suddenly looked away not wanting to look her in the eye. He was hurting when he remembered the plans she talked about, how she wanted her wedding gown to turn out, how the music would sound in the mega speakers, how they would dance and groove to the beats as they get carried away having the time of their lives. He was hurt as he remembered how her eyes would twinkle the moment she started talking about their future and their wedding. He felt choked up when he realized how her dream wasn’t truly fulfilled. Their marriage was one that wasn’t much to share. A cold white room with the bright sun shining through the windows as they sat opposite and facing each other. In her abaya and him in his dishadasha and turban they sat as their heart thudded and started racing. His brothers and aunt by his side they sat waiting as she started to quiver in fear all alone. Nobody from her family was there, but the judge in front of her. The judge who would take the place of her father as the acting guardian. ‘You are now husband and wife by law. Mabrookeen’ the judge said as the witnesses proceeded to sign Shihab and Noor’s marital contract. Noor smiled as she looked at him, her lawful wedded husband. She finally had the heavy weight on her tiny shoulders shed off. But Shihab still felt uneasy and guilty as he smiled heartbreakingly. He was blaming his soul for convincing her to elope and run away from her family who would disapprove of her choice like they did the many times he proposed. ‘I’m a good man and I shall always make her happy’ he tried consoling himself that he did the right thing. ‘She would have been married off to someone else had I not done this’ he kept on calming himself as his conscious echoed his thoughts.

‘I’m sorry’ he snapped back to reality and told her. Placing her down, he lay beside her with pain in his eyes. ‘For what?’ she asked surprisingly. ‘This day was supposed to be your happiest. You should have been at a beauty parlor doing your make up, make an entrance with a breathtaking white dress, dance your heart out and then I would take you by the hand as my wife as we walked …’ she interrupted him by placing her hand on his lips silencing him. ‘I’m fine and happy I swear. So long as I have you I’m the happiest person alive’ she punched him playfully and started tickling him. ‘Hey stop it’ he laughed out loud from the sensation her thin small fingers gave off. ‘Stop being all sad and I promise I’ll stop’ she continued moving her fingers on his ribs as he chortled and chuckled in delight.

No Matter What: Chapter Fifteen (1)

Flashes of light, screeching sounds and blurry vision, Shihab was racing against time when he heard the news. A sudden crushing feeling that overtook him when he sensed a vibration on his inner thigh. Ever since he listened to the voicemail message Fajr left, his phone fell to reside where it was. He was refreshed and felt light headed when it felt like all his problems were going to be solved. His relationship with God was the one that assured him of a safer, better and happier tomorrow. But now his tomorrow wasn’t secured, he didn’t know if it was going to be as blissful as he had hoped in his heart and dreams. His beloved, the one he would die for was on her way to the end of the tunnel. He was smothered with that thought as his body sat at the driver’s seat with both his hands placed at the steering wheel. 

Radars blinking at him more than three times, he accelerated even faster to see her face. Droplets of tears; bitter from the pain and salty from the worry fell onto his lap over the sandy beige dishdasha he had on. Ignoring the erratic amber which immediately turned to red, Shihab absently passed through the traffic light. Honks and flashes of full light were targeting Shihab’s vintage customized chevy but for him not to pay attention. His fellow drivers were alerting him on the trailer truck that was cutting its way through the cross junction. Grieving for what Noor was going through; his bloodshot eyes creeping with veins didn’t focus on the road. The entire junction became static but for the amber hazard lights flashing from every single vehicle within the vicinity of the busy road. Screams of panic, and the honking noises were drawn to a halt. In shock was the state everyone was in. ‘La 7awla wala quwata illa bellah’ some of the witnesses started repeating out loud as they got out of their cars heading over to help.

Shivering and shaking, he opened his eyes to see if his leg was amputated. The pain was excruciating. His leg felt crushed and broken. He tried to lift his body only he couldn’t. The dashboard was almost glued to his abdomen. He could hardly breathe as he saw tires through the shattered window of the passenger seat. Hyperventilating from fear he closed his eyes trying to recollect his sight and focus. He opened them and started panicking. The tires that he saw were still there. He wanted to scream but the shock silenced him. He was under the trailer truck he collided with. Red and blue flickers he then saw, loud police sirens he heard. The sounds rang in his ears like a jingle to a television advert; he struggled to get out but was trapped. The sirens became louder reminding him of that bitter memory he wished never happened.

No Matter What: Chapter Fourteen

‘We can stay here’ Jawad told Fajr and Hilal. He was friends with the hospital administration and managed to get an over night stay for the three of them. Fajr still continued praying and tearing as she held Noor’s hand. She wished more than anything if she could time travel to warn them both. She loathed being part of what is happening to her only close friend. She wanted to go back and discourage her from touching the DJ’s hand; the beginning of the very end.

‘Hurry you’ll be late’ she was rushed through the stairs. Time seemed to rush fast and she wasn’t ready mentally for what was to come. Out of her grand aunt’s place, she went to bid farewell.  She was heading to a journey not many people had the privilege for. She hopped into the 4x4 nervous but excited, it was her very first trip out of her country. The country where she was born and raised in, with the occasional forts, castles and petrol stations passing her by, she said goodbye to the land of her forefathers as she made her way to the holy land of Mecca. She was due to fly with her three brothers who were in the car with her. Noor never was ready spiritually for this big step, but she was forced into going the same way she was forced to be an Arabic teacher.

The back door opened, the cold dry air conditioned breeze mixed with the hot quite humid air. They arrived at the airport. Amazed at how it looked like inside, Noor found herself turning around in circles in an awe. She smiled a happy go lucky smile. It was her first; her first time witnessing an airport building let alone being inside it. ‘Passengers boarding Oman Air flight number A592 to Jeddah are requested to proceed to Gate 3’ she heard the airport announcement as her brothers led the way.  At the gate waiting to board the flight, a book was jostled at her. ‘Here, this book has everything you need’ one of her brothers told her. It was a self help how- to book on performing pilgrimage. She nodded her head absently as she laid her eyes on the beautiful afternoon sky. The illuminating rays reflected on something she never saw so close before; the gigantic glistening white and blue plane that was to take her up in the air. Her eyes grew bigger as her mouth opened in astonishment. She was in heaven she thought, in heaven indeed.

An hour and countless minutes later, Noor found herself inside a crowded cabin, sitting beside the window while beads of sweat started appearing on her forehead. Loud cries of toddlers started intensifying disturbing the quiet atmosphere, sighs of frustrations and complaints of anger erupted.  In less than a few minutes the plane turned to a circus, everyone almost grumbled and whined over their situation; they were 40 minutes behind schedule in a sunny humid afternoon. Glasses of cold water with ice were served while the cooling system seemed non-functioning; the air conditioning seemed inexistent even though the plane was powered and its engine running. Noor thought all of this was normal; she was embarrassed to ask any of her brothers who would turn her into a joke. She decided she would patiently wait like everybody else. ‘For crying out loud, what’s taking so long?’ one of the elderly passengers in front of her complained as she grabbed the flight attendant’s arm. ‘We are waiting for a passenger’ the attendant replied assuring the old wrinkled face she was looking at while grimacing with the signature stewardess smile. The long wait was taking its toll on those surrounding her. The yellow distant sun seemed like it was burning a few inches above their heads. The merciless sun shone its evil rays on them causing them to shed off more pints of sweat. The saltiness of the perspiration in her eyes was a blessing. Noor was drowsy and in an instant fell asleep.

Some loud commotion was going on, sighs of relief, and passenger prayers and pleas to their creator were accepted.

‘Finally’

‘It’s about time’

‘Alhamdulilah’

Some of the phrases going about in the cabin. Noor got awoken from her nap as she heard her brother argue with the attendant. ‘But this is my seat. We booked adjacent seats.’ he yelled.  The boarding pass the flight attendant held in his hand had seat number 15 B, only the steward didn’t know that Noor’s brother had an identical seat number in his pass. He just assumed, like the many ignorant passengers, that he sat at the wrong seat. The argument escalated when the attendant was adamant for Noor’s brother to move. ‘I am not moving’ her brother said firmly as he showed his pass. A heated dispute broke out as the late passenger made his way through to where he was supposed to be seated. The quarrels could be heard throughout until Noor thought it through.  She could easily give up her seat for the other one in front next to her other brother. ‘I can move to the front’ she pointed out innocently to them.

And then there was silence, a solution and outlet to the problem was provided. It was an easy fix to something the flight attendant could have easily thought of. ‘If that wouldn’t be much trouble to you Ma’am’ the flight attendant said masking his mistake with the signature steward smile. Picking up her notepad where she scribbled down her thoughts, she scooted out of the tiny leg room available. Noor made her way to the front. She now headed forward only for her coffee brown eyes to meet with the late passenger’s honey hazel eyes. Her heart skipped a beat as she grasped and hugged her notepad tight. It was him, the DJ in front of her.  ‘Here you go’ he gave her space for her to head to her new seat.

He sat and stood, he nervously got clumsy after seeing her. He tried to place his luggage at the over-sized compartment on top only for his hands to lose balance and shake. People started chuckling at his unsteady hands. He would be better off to place his suitcase under the seat in front of him, he though to himself. He took a deep breath as he tried to relax but then she sat right in front of him. Could it be fate or was it a test?  He didn’t know. All he knew was the girl in pink who touched his hand was here. She was even more beautiful and radiant adorning the black abaya. His heart pounded so hard he was scared she could hear. He felt jumpy, he couldn’t stay still. Pressing the inside button on the left of the seat arm, his body inclined backwards along with the chair as his eyes were still fixed at her. The soft delicate scarf brushing off of her hands as she tried to fix it over her head made him remember how her hand felt when their skin touched. Soft, supple and filled with warmth, he grinned. He smiled even wider when he remembered how he prayed day in and day out for them to cross paths again. At least this time he can put a name to the angelic image of her in his mind, he thought. With his eyes catching glimpses of her hand and the plane in the sky, he had his head in the clouds and went off to a fairytale land.

He was the knight in the king’s castle, and she was the princess, the heiress to the throne. He was the son of a blacksmith who lived a tough poor life while she was a lonely daughter of a mighty king wishing for her savior and prince charming. Shihab the knight would set out to fight off all demons and dragons invading the kingdom to win her father’s heart. He becomes the kingdom’s hero and gets the approval from the king to crown his daughter as his wife. And they would live happily ever after, the typical fairytale ending.

PING...

The seatbelt sign blinked bright waking all those who were asleep, it was time for landing. She felt happy yet sad; happy that she was close to stepping foot in another country, yet sad that she would part ways with the mysterious DJ. ‘Shihab’ she thought to herself as his name rang in her ears. She knew his name when he didn’t. He was her favorite DJ and radio show host, she’d always make sure to call just to hear his deep husky voice up close and personal. She reminisced on the ridiculous sums of money she wasted for phone credit to call and dedicate a song to her girlfriends or answer a quiz question on air. Ever since the moment they exchanged gazes at the beach, Noor was captivated. She knew everything about him from Fajr and the radio show he hosted every weekend.  ‘Hi this is Bee calling’ the favorite cue phrase she used on air. ‘He only knows me as Bee his favorite caller and number one fan, but I know him as Shihab, my…’  her thoughts got interrupted by the flight attendant asking her to buckle her seatbelt. She sat praying and scared as she felt her insides reaching up her throat like clothes tumbling in a washing machine from the plane’s descend but then butterflies in her tummy overtook her sensations, she was glancing at his face. He was leaving the lavatory and heading back to his seat. He looked at her and smiled, blushing she smiled back a bashful smile then looked away.

Crowded as ever, white and black was seen everywhere. They were at Jeddah airport waiting for their luggage which delayed for a good half hour. He was in front of her, this time she gathered the courage to stare at him and smile longer. His heart was overwhelmed with warmth. He was happy and determined that he would ask for her name today.  ‘Noori?’ she got called out. Shihab kept on searching hoping that he didn’t mean her. ‘Noori..!!’ her brother shouted this time. Shihab hoped and prayed for it not to be true, but she turned around. Her brother signaled for her that he is heading to the restrooms as Noor waited for the luggage.  She nodded back smiling as her brother gave her a wink and left.  Noor giggled and turned back to face him again. But Shihab felt sick to his stomach, he was disgusted by the whole affair. How could she look at him and exchange flirtatious looks and smiles with him when she was involved with someone else? He couldn’t understand this and felt rage taking over his body. Walking over to her, Noor thought that this was her chance. All her brothers weren’t around and she was all alone standing and waiting. She was ready to confess that she was Bee, that she was his ultimate fan, that she was indeed attracted to him. ‘Make your move Mr. DJ’ she said under her breath while laying her eyes on his nearing presence. She was nervous, her knees felt weak, her palms sweaty as he came closer. He then stopped and looked at her big eyes and her heart just stopped. She prepped herself to speak but soon stopped after seeing his reaction and frown. Shihab looked at her in the eyes then from head to toe as if she was a piece of trash covered with filth and then walked away. Little did Shihab know that he mistook Noori for a pet name when it was her actual nickname. 

No Matter What: Chapter Thirteen (2)

It was a busy day as always, working as a geologist always entailed her being on her feet busy and moving. Sketching and discussing with clients about seismic survey findings and the likes. Fajr always loved a busy life and an eventful schedule. She was so used to it that if an element of her hectic life was missing, she managed to squeeze in something to challenge herself into doing more.  But ever since she knew Taimur and got to know him better, her life took a turn to a more enjoyable one. She never dared to do half of the things she did since she met him. Horse racing, helicopter flights, scuba diving, and skiing, all unveiled the adventurous side of Taimur which made her fall for him harder every time she landed on the land of reality.

‘Once you are done with your meetings, we need to talk’

She received a text messages from Tee, his name in her phonebook. She was a little bit amused on how he typed it. He always started a message with darling and ended it with a virtual kiss but this time, it was different. It was as straightforward as a contractor e-mailing his client.  Taken off guard, she decided to dismiss her hectic schedule and attend to him. ‘He must be going through a rough patch’ she thought to herself as she informed her boss of her early departure for the day.

‘We can meet now’

‘Aren’t you busy?’

‘It’s okay I took care of everything’

‘Okay I’ll pick you up in a few?’

‘Waiting’

A few minutes later and Taimur was at the door. Opening the door to the car, she saw he wasn’t in his jolly mood. He seemed lost, confused and sad. ‘Honey, what’s wrong? Everything okay?’ she asked concerned as she placed her hand on his forehead. ‘Oh my God, you are burning up. You are scorching hot’ she said as she turned his face opposite hers. ‘What’s wrong? Tell’ she started asking more questions while he just stared at her eyes with sorrow filling them. ‘Let’s get out of here shall we?’ he said in a tired voice as he changed the gear and drove off.   

He parked at the parking lots with the beach facing them. It was empty with only a handful of Europeans walking their dogs in sight. Reaching for the handbrake, he leaned his face on the headrest as he took a deep breath then sighed. The whole drive was silent. He heard all her concerns and questions at the beginning but chose to ignore; he didn’t know what to say. He was gathering up courage and trying to stop himself from breaking down. ‘How can I tell her this?’ he asked his conscious with no answer. He was hurting, he felt his heart breaking and aching. But he knew that as soon as he talked to her, her heart would be even in more pain. Fajr remained quiet and angry after the silent treatment she had received from him. She didn’t know what was wrong. ‘Why isn’t he talking to me? What did I do wrong?’ she kept on thinking and recalling every single memory since the last time she met him. She couldn’t place her hands on why he suddenly is ignoring her and not talking to her. ‘I’ll just walk out, maybe then he’ll talk’ she told herself but wasn’t brave enough to open the door and climb out of the car. She loved him so greatly and didn’t want to regret missing the chance of a second with him.  They remained silent but for his deep breaths and sighs.

The sun was bright and the clouds were nowhere in sight, the blue green sea was withdrawing as the low tide timing neared. The air conditioner never helped in cooling off his body and turning his sweat to vapor. With his hands still on the steering wheel he turned to her for the first time after the long silent drive and wait in the car. She was looking at her hands and fiddling with the threads she managed to pull out from her jumper. He tried to open his mouth and speak but he choked up and couldn't speak. He felt himself torn at what he was about to tell her. After all, she was the one he believed to be his soul mate. Reaching out his hands now to hers, he needed to feel them to calm himself down. He knew that it was the last time he’d ever be able to hold them. Fajr surprised turned to him and looked him in the eye. She now noticed how tired his eyes were, how much of a wreck he must be but couldn’t understand why. ‘Did I do something...’ he hushed her by placing his hand on her mouth. ‘Don’t say a word, let me finish first then talk okay?’ he pleaded her as she nodded her head. Removing his hand, her patted her head and said ‘Let’s go for a walk.   

Walking through the cold sand towards the water, she felt at ease and calm. Peace and serene she was overwhelmed with every time they took a stroll at the beach.  He was nervous and shaking but he knew what he had to do. Sitting on the sand as their feet got immersed in the salty warm water he started talking, ‘I still remember how rude you were before’ he smiled lightening up the mood. ‘You were a stalker, you stalked me everywhere’ she said replying to his statement. ‘Well people say love at first sight exists but I say love at first tear exists’ he looked at her as he smiled wryly. She looked back with a wide grin and responded sarcastically, ‘My tears are magical’. He felt weighed down with emotions that all he did was embrace her tightly. He never wanted to do this to her; to cause her pain. ‘I love you’ she whispered in his ear as he squeezed her closer. ‘I love you too’ those three words were smothering him that he could hardly breathe. He had to break the news to her and tell her everything. ‘Fajr we need to talk’ he said as he let her go. Unsure of what he was about to say, she sat there nodding her head.

‘I still remember the first day I saw you and how amazing you were. How we accidentally bumped into each other right after that. I still remember how I tracked you down and got your phone number from your car plate number, how I kept on annoying you with my calls just to hear your voice and how I kept on following you in hopes you’d smile at me. But it paid off when we started courting after your brother’s permission. I still remember every single detail of our life together’ he said as he took a deep breath not knowing how to continue. Fajr remained silent as she smiled shyly. 

‘I was a lonely stupid rich guy with no purpose in life. But, you changed that and made me see that life had so much in store for me. I had you and you became my life. I changed to a better person because of you. I conquered and pursued my dreams when you opened my eyes to reality. But now …’ he paused as he memorized the contour of her smiling face for the last time. ‘Now… it… changed…’ he stuttered and drew near her placing his hands on her cheeks. ‘My family is going to my future wife’s house to ask for her hand in marriage’. Fajr jumped out from the shock, she was happy and thrilled. She couldn’t believe the fast turn of events. She felt a jolt of high spirits run into her blood. ‘Why didn’t you tell me before? I have loads of things to do. I have to tell my brothers, clean the house, buy frankincense, make finger food. Gosh  I need a to-do list’ she took out her phone to type down what she needed to prepare for one of the most anticipated moment she has been waiting for. Taimur just looked at her with compassion. He wasn’t happy; he wasn’t sharing her emotions, he wasn’t joining in the celebration dance she was performing in front of him. He felt his heart drowning deep; it was too late to be rescued. He was dying a small death when he knew that those cheers would soon turn to sobs. That the love she had for him would turn to hate in a span of a second. ‘You should be happy, our dream is coming true. We’ll be together FOREVER’ she shouted gleefully as she leaned down to him and their noses touched. ‘IT’S NOT YOU ALRIGHT?’ he shouted back in anger at what his family forced him to do. ‘It’s not you Fajr’ he lowered his voice. ‘It’s not you. I’m not marrying you’ he said as he pushed her away breaking down as he buried his face into his hands.

Shocked at what she heard, she collapsed on the golden smooth sand speechless. She felt like crying only she couldn’t. She felt like slaughtering him only she couldn’t. Her whole universe revolved around him and now it came crashing down. She had lost him. He’s not hers anymore. Forever was now how long they won’t be together rather than the time they were going to be. Their love story was written on the sand. It was now being washed off by the looming waves. It was over.

‘We can stay here’ Jawad told Fajr and Hilal. He was friends with someone in the  hospital administration and managed to get an over night stay permission for the three of them. Fajr still continued praying and tearing as she held Noor’s hand. She wished more than anything if she could time travel to warn them both. She loathed being part of what is happening to her only close friend. She wanted to go back and discourage her from touching the DJ’s hand; the beginning of the very end she thought to herself. 'Soul mates never end up together' Fajr though to herself as she recalled the pain she shared with Noor. The pain of a lost love.  

No Matter What: Chapter Thirteen (1)

‘Yes it’s my fault I mistakenly braked out of the blue’ she heard him say to the police officer after the police arrived at the scene.  His long tanned fingers were being flicked and waved up in the air as he explained the foul version of what really happened at the roundabout. She couldn’t help but feel confused and lost. She stood there like a royal guard from the turn of events. Leaning onto the car, she waited for him to finish off with the policemen who came to document the accident scene.

‘Alright everything is fine I have insurance and it will cover the costs of the damage’ he told her in an assertive tone. She still couldn’t understand his sudden act of generosity. Was it all because of her now dried tear ducts? Could it be possible those salty tiny beads of water were the sole reason for the role reversal? ‘It is all set’ he said as he handed her the accident form she had to fill. ‘You don’t need to fill it here’ he said as he reached out for his pocket. ‘This is my business card, just give me a call once you are done’ with a wide smirk, he placed it in her hand and winked. Fajr found herself in jumbles; she couldn’t place her finger on where it hurt the most. Was it her dignity when he thought he could give her his digits making her an easy catch? Or was it her integrity when she cried and let him take the fault and lie? With blood rushing and boiling in her veins, she walked up to him in her pale baby pink ballet flats as fast as she could and looked up. He was easily six feet tall when she was nothing but five feet. ‘What? All of a sudden you think I am cheap?’ she bawled like an angry villain. ‘You can take your card and shove it down your esophagus’ crumpling the card; she shoved it on his chest. Her cheeks were twitching from fury and heat she felt was crawling up her skin. She was all red and her feet started moving away from him leading her to her car. She climbed into the car, closed the door shut and drove off. The accident form placed on the bonnet flew away and dropped in front of his feet. Taimur was surprised; all he could get his mind to register was 8338 RW, her plate number.

‘Visitation hours are over’ they were told as they sat each of them in a corner praying for her. Fajr looked into her brother’s eyes with a sad pleading look only for him to leave the room. Shihab wasn’t anywhere in sight nor was Noor’s family with the exception of Hilal, who now blamed himself for Noor’s situation. ‘If only’ he kept on repeating it in his mind. His heart pierced in pain as his guilty conscious plunged deeper into his being.  ‘If only I never opened my mouth and uttered a word that day’ he said in a low voice with sadness filling his core.  With her jaw dropping to the floor, Fajr was overtaken by surprise at the words being said. The same surprise when she knew the inevitable truth about Taimur.

No Matter What: Chapter Twelve

‘We will still keep her under observation’ he was informed.  Noor was rushed to the hospital by Hilal, her first cousin. After a series of diagnostic strategies, the doctors diagnosed her as a drug overdose case. Hilal was told that chances were that she tried to commit suicide.  ‘Is she going to be okay doctor?’ Hilal worriedly inquired. ‘She did ingest a large quantity of hypnotics, we would have to wait and see. We will try the best we can’ the doctor placed his firm heavy hand on Hilal's shoulder reassuring him.  Noor was kept under observation and left to rest her tired body in one of the wards at the hospital. Fajr and Jawad arrived as the doctor was speaking. They luckily overheard what the doctor said before he left, saving themselves the hassle of asking Hilal. 'And her parents?' Jawad asked worryingly. Hilal had a sarcastic smile on his face yet filled with hatred 'They'd want her dead for all they care'. Jawad was shocked at Hilal\s statement. He turned to Fajr only for him to see that she seemed unsurprised by what was just uttered. She knew Noor's family pretty well and for them, what Noor did was a crime that deserved a punishment more than death.  ‘Like you wouldn’t want her dead?’ Fajr bursted out in anger in front of Hilal’s face.  ‘I know what I did was wrong, but I have changed ever since’ he replied calmly as he welcomed Fajr’s accusations. ‘Yeah right, I’d die before I’d believe THAT’ she replied back with disgust filling her insides. ‘I brought her in didn’t I? If I wanted her dead I would have left her to rot and decay’ he answered back with words that were like a slap to Fajr’s face. ‘But that doesn’t change the obvious’ Fajr replied back wanting her say to be final. Jawad pulled his sister aside to calm her down ‘Don’t make a scene; we are here for Noor not him’.  She was sad and crushed, grasping her denim overall strap tight; she remembered the vow she took. Storming into the ward, she paced her way following the doctor. Her walking tempo increased as it turned to jogs. She was now running towards where Noor was.

The smell of sanitizer filled the air, the grayish green flawless glossy corridors were crowded by white lab coats and blue scrubs, the cries of sadness and chuckles of laughter and joy were all mixed up in the atmosphere. Her heart raced as she took a left to another less busy corridor, she was walking up to see her. Behind a door she lay on a bed looking helpless, as pale as the color white with lips as purple as dawn, Noor was still unconscious.  ‘Oh My God’ Fajr said as she placed the palm of her hands on the door pushing it away. She was reciting little prayers under her breath as she slowly moved forward approaching Noor.  A tear managed to getaway looking at the nurse replacing Noor’s empty IV bag with another.  ‘She needs all the rest she can get’ the doctor checking Noor’s chart told Fajr. She nodded her head and sat on the bed’s end patting Noor’s feet when she still kept on reciting prayers and verses she knew from the Qur’an.

He found the phone he was looking for on the bed. He sighed in relief and went on reading what was on its screen. It was still on the same message it was left on. He looked around making sure she wasn’t around,

‘^{♫♪☻♥♫♪☻♥} Happy Birthday My ₣ajr ^{♫♪☻♥♫♪☻♥}

I Miss You

Love, Taimur’

He smiled as he read it. He was certain that she would smile knowing he remembered her birthday. He had a wide grin but then soon turned to a frown. He wondered why she never replied back like she always had. ‘She must have someone else?’ he asked himself but soon dismissed it. ‘No no no, she’s just busy’ he chose to think the way he wanted to. ‘Or maybe yet, she didn’t save my new number’ he went on contemplating finding an excuse to calm his nerves. ‘But my name was at the end, no no she must be busy’ he finally settled on that thought as he heard a cry from the next room. He panicked and pressed the red hang up button on the phone a bunch of times to make sure the screen went back to an image that portrayed his life now. An image watchfully placed as the wallpaper of his phone. An image that would forever remind him that he has lost Fajr forever. It was a digital portrait of him wearing a fake smile in a dark green turban, a dishdasha and a black besht. His hands were carefully laid on another pair of fair rosy hands that were adorned with henna. With a matching green gown to his turban, her lips drawn with scarlet red smiled next to him. It was his wedding day photo.

She woke up to the sound of his voice not aware of where she was at the beginning. She was a mess, depressed and felt more like a bottomless pit. Unable to keep her composure she burst into tears as she felt like a helpless corpse that was hit by a train. Her body was screaming in pain; she has been sitting on the same chair for the past few hours. Checking through her digital wrist watch, the digits displayed 18:03 hrs. Getting her eyebrows close to each other, she scowled at the reality of Shihab not being there.  She was sure to leave him a message but now doubted if she ever did. Grabbing her phone, she flicked a few buttons and saw that she actually did; her message status was delivered at 10:27 hrs. ‘He never answered back’ Fajr turned to her brother. who woke her up, worried. ‘Maybe he is on his way’ he paused ‘or maybe he didn’t receive anything’ he paused again thinking ‘or maybe…’ Jawad grew silent in fear that something worse has happened to him. ‘Maybe what?’ Fajr asked in panic. ‘No nothing maybe he wasn’t allowed to enter?’ he tried calming his sister down by dismissing his thought with a silly excuse. ‘No this cannot be happening’ Fajr said as she rushed out of the room trying to dial Shihab’s number. Fajr realized how heavy the piece of news in her text must have been, but then she remembered that she didn’t actually mention anything but Noor being involved in something. ‘He shouldn’t be in shock’ she said to herself as she heard the ringing tone, of the other end of the line, in her left ear.

Fajr calling…

The phone went on flashing bright to lighten the dark room. Black was all you could see, the bed, dresser’s doors and drawers, the plasma screen TV to the walls were in a complete opaque black color.   The mixture of cologne with sweat was the fragrance lingering in the air. Stacks of dirty unclean clothes furnished the floor and treadmill.  It was dark and cold. The door wasn’t completely shut, leaving a slight opening with the light of the living room peeping through. A loud shove swiftly swung the door open for it to collide with a wall producing a loud ‘THUMP’. The sound of the TV has now made it through inside the black cold room. Two toddlers walked in with their quick baby steps and headed towards the queen sized bed. Shihab nudged from the shock of his nephews’ little cold hands touching his cheek. Giggles and laughs from his twin nephews made Shihab laugh when his eyes rolled back into focus. The twins always enjoyed seeing their uncle in fright. Something about his fright amused them, it was their daily ritual. They always woke him up from his afternoon siesta when they were visiting. The only purpose to this was for them to climb up with their uncle on the bed and play with Shihab’s fluffy bee toy which was Noor’s birthday gift to him. ‘You naughty boys’ he tickled both boys and played with them.  It was nearing sunset and the time for dawn prayer was soon, so he rushed to carry his siblings out of his room. Locking the door, he went on to sniff out a clean dishdasha out of the stack hanging on the treadmill. After selecting the cleanest and least stinky out of the stack, he rushed to the shower and gussied himself to head to the mosque, all the while his phone was on silent. 

No Matter What: Chapter Eleven

Being the equestrian person he was, the stables were his favorite place to be. Horses and hay filling the large field, the place was magnificent. His piercing black eyes and sharp Arabian features were distinct to one certain family. He had an amazing touch and attitude with the horses. His skills and god given talent caused a stir in the community of horse lovers. Rumors around the stables surfaced that he was a horse whisperer. It helped a lot when time came for horses to be put down or treated for some disease and even when time came for a mother horse to give birth. Taimur's relation with everyone was that of sincerity and kindness. He made a special connection with the head veterinarian Jawad. He was Fajr's closest and favorite sibling out of them all. Jawad pampered Fajr a lot and would do anything to see a smile on her face. Fajr entrusted Jawad with her secrets and vice versa. They had one strong unbreakable bond which many of her friends envied. Given that the culture and norms around were that of a brother scolding a sister, every girl who knew Fajr adored and loved how she was treated by her older sibling. She was thankful to be blessed with such a brother regardless of how tough and fast they had to mature. ‘We don’t have but each other’ was always the slogan they followed. Ever since their parents passed away when Jawad was just in his last year of high school, he took it upon himself to ensure that the family remained united and as loving as they always have been.  

With Fajr being a horse lover herself, she always whined to her brother for not taking her with him to the royal stables. The place where the most attractive beautiful horses were kept. ‘Those are royal horses Fajr, I can’t risk my job for you’ she always heard those words during her times of whimpering and bawling. She tried to convince him so many times she lost count, but he never budged into her pleas nor give in. Until one day Jawad decided to surprise his loving sister with the biggest birthday surprise of all. Driving his car, he smiled unable to hide his amusement and imagined how Fajr’s reaction would be to the surprise.  ‘I’ll just go in for a sec to grab something okay?’ he said trying not to sell his plot. ‘Okay’ Fajr replied frustrated that they were going to be late for the so-planned lunch with their family. 

A quarter of an hour later, ‘So you aren’t coming with me?’ Jawad asked. ‘Where? Here?’ Fajr pointed to the stables’ entrance. Smirking he nodded his head and awaited Fajr’s screams deafening his ears. ‘No way. Are you serious?’ she replied all happy and screaming as she ran to the stables.   Jawad brought her to meet Al Fahl. With his white long hair, a long contour and the body of a strong young juvenile, this white Arabian horse was Fajr’s love. She has adored Al Fahl from the moment she laid her eyes on him two years ago in a magazine. Al Fahl was the feature of that issue and he was a horse racing champion in the country.  ‘Can I take him for a ride? Please pretty please?’ she asked as her puppy eyes blinked in front of him. ‘You can sniff, touch, brush his hair and do whatever you want to, but taking him out of the stables is something I’m not authorized to do’ Jawad said firmly. ‘But, it’s my birthday and I...’ Fajr got interrupted. ‘Anything for Jawad’s sister, she can take Al Fahl for a ride if she wants’ an anonymous strange voice she heard speaking. Turning around as she grinned happily hearing the pleasant news, their eyes met. She suddenly felt her stomach turn so many times that she lost count. The happy dance she was about to perform was drawn to a halt when she saw him in front of her.  Feeling light headed while cherry red colored her cheeks she opened her mouth to speak. ‘Thanks but… but no thanks’; she walked away as fast as she could. He froze in his place and couldn’t move it was her again, the girl with the most amazing smile and eyes.  Jawad surprised at what just happened followed his sister to ask what took place in Al Fahl’s stable. ‘He’s the guy’ her face turned white as she gulped her spit nervously. ‘What guy?’ he asked confused. ‘He’s the guy that’s…’ Fajr stopped talking as she remembered that her brother knew nothing about this; she hadn’t talked to him about what happened yet. ‘That’s?’ her brother asked again. ‘Who is he again?’ she asked trying to change the subject even though she knew that her insidees would turn again from the mentiong of his name. ‘My friend Tamur’ he said as her cheeks started twitching.  ‘The so called horse whisperer I was talking to you about?’ Jawad said chuckling about Taimur’s nickname. ‘Oh no’ her brain started screaming as she realized. ‘He’s the owner of Al Fahl’ her bag fell to the floor from the shock. She understood everything. She now could identify with his actions and approaches to her. He was royalty and could do what he wanted. Growing tenser by the second, Fajr left her bag laying on the floor and excused herself to go home. ‘I can’t believe this. All this time and I didn’t know’ she kept blaming herself under her breathe as she paced to the car.

Chirping birds, bright rays of light, and the barks of the neighborly Labrador was always the way people of this household woke up. Lovely smiles, happy faces and good spirit were always the motto.

'Good morning'

 'Morning'

 '9aba7 el 5eir'

 'Assalam aleikum'

The greetings of everyone who were gathered around the dining table for breakfast. A family they were where every individual always made sure to have time for family gatherings and their normal chit chats around their dining table. Though one of them was missing, 'Where's Shihab?' everyone asked as they saw him coming down the stairs. In threadbare clothes coupled with an unshaved rough beard and unclipped long dirty nails, he sat down after greeting everyone a quick hello. Shihab didn't feel as happy as he was once upon a time; he was in agony but promised himself not to cut off his family regardless of what happens. The entire family understood his frustration and have offered their shoulders for him to cry on, but Shihab was stubborn and the type who kept everything inside. He did not want to share his misery with anyone, especially his siblings who all had their own troubles behind their happy faces and smiles. 'We made you French toast with strawberries' his sisters told him as they passed on his plate. It was his favorite breakfast meal, a meal he would most happily have forever if he could. He smiled and thanked his sisters as he dug onto his plate, he was starving. Everyone was glad and happy to see him finish his plate and ask for a second helping. This was a first, Shihab usually never ate a second serving at breakfast, but today was different; he was famished to the extreme. He felt like he hadn't eaten for what seemed like days, which was true. The only time he would eat was when he was at the café writing to her.

'Sir, your phone is ringing' the housemaid came down to inform Shihab. Knowing that it could never be Noor calling he dismissed the idea of answering the phone and continued eating and making small talk with his siblings. It was Fajr on the other end of the line trying to inform Shihab about Noor.

'Shihab once you get this, give me a call. It's concerning Noor'

She sent him a text message as she hurried to the hospital hallway with her brother, Jawad. 

No Matter What: Chapter Ten

Stretching her feet out of her blanket as she prepared to sleep, she couldn’t stop thinking about what Shihab asked her. 'So are you still in love with him?' started going through her mind. It was echoing in her ears. The truth was she still wasn't, the wound still felt fresh even though it has been years. He had already moved on while she still remained as the single Fajr everyone knew without any love interests. Her heart was still for reserved fro him. She still loved him though she knew that he might have forgotten about her completely. He was a respectable people’s person, the son every mother wished they had, a successful sports person and the perfect suitor. 'How could he think of me?' she asked herself as she thought about him. She stared at the ceiling as daydreamt of him and how his life must be; a happy lavish life.  She stared at the darkness for what seemed like eternity while her playlist changed to sad ballads. ‘Good night' she whispered to her heart like she did every night crying herself to sleep when they went their separate ways. That night, Fajr dreamt of him as she has done many often times before.

'Can't you stupid ladies see in front of you? Jesus Christ for once at least? For friggin’ ONCE?' he went on shouting and screaming at her. She was mortified by the whole issue and looking at him approaching her so close, she could feel his breath brushing over her oval face from how furious this chap in front of her was. She tried to speak up but she just couldn't. She tried to explain but he never gave her the chance. For once in her life, she felt overpowered and incapable of controlling the situation. She couldn't help but feel ashamed and embarrassed to the pits of her stomach. She couldn't help but burst into tears from how his loud speech, on how careless women are, got to her soul. She felt offended and regretted why she was born a female. She hated being Arab and what being a female entailed. She always accused society but now she couldn't help but accuse herself for her misfits.

'Careless drivers you are' he said as he his hand banged her car bonnet. Fajr crashed into the man's car at the roundabout as she was rushing her way to pick up her brother from work whom owned no car. He was still in the process of getting his own car since he recently came back to the country after long years of being abroad. Fajr didn't pay attention much as she got busy answering her brother's call who was hurrying her. Her brother had to reach the stables nearby because a camel was giving birth. Jawad, a university professor by morning dualled as the head veterinarian in the camels' hospital by noon. Tears were still rolling down from Fajr's eyes but the man was too angry to notice. He was too blinded by rage he failed to see those salty droplets finding their way down her cheeks away from the sunglasses adorning her now red teary eyes. 'Where did you get your license I wonder' he kept on yelling as he called for the traffic police. The cars were both in total damage due to the strong collision of Fajr's Lexus with his Mercedes. As he was reporting the incident to the police operation centre, he moved his eyes to look at her. He spotted her leaning herself to the side of her car as her arms shook vigorously. She started breaking down and crying loudly. He couldn't stand any woman's tears; it was his weakness. He couldn't help but find himself hanging up the phone and walk towards her to comfort her. 'Khalas it's my fault. I should have noticed you rushing but I didn't' his heart took control of his tongue and spoke. 'I'm so sorry, I'll pay for the damage I promise. I'm the defendant and you’re the plaintiff' he carried on. 'I'm so very sorry I hadn't meant to' he continued apologizing just to try to make her stop crying. Fajr astounded by what he said, was certain that she caused the crash. Unable to understand she grew silent; something about him made her calm down. His voice was reassuring and comforting. She removed her shades, wiping off her tears as she gave in to his begs and pleas for her to stop. Pulling out a white and green striped handkerchief from his candy white dishdasha's pocket, 'I'm sorry' he said as he handed it over to her.

... Everybody was kung-fu fighting …
…Those cats were fast as lightning …
… In fact it was a little bit frightening …
… But they fought with expert timing …

… They were funky China men from funky Chinatown …
… They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down ...

The song went on and on for a while then stopped. A few minutes later it went on again, this time it went on longer than before. Her ears were drowned deep by the sounds of loud cars and motorcycles driving off right next to her. She was deep asleep in her own world of fantasy while the phone kept on ringing. Fajr was known to be a heavy sleeper and not even a loud pop would wake her up no matter what the circumstances were. She rested her tired body and slept the entire night peacefully as she dreamt the same dream; the day they first met.

As morning came, the number of missed calls tolled up to 19 and her unread messages were too plenty to note down. Fajr was surprised at the numbers she saw on her phone screen as she stretched out of bed. Sitting by the side of her bed, she decided to go through the missed calls list only to find a strange number was the main source of all 19 calls. She frowned unable to understand but then jolted out of her bed thinking that it might have been Noor. Rushing through her text messages to see, she noted only one repeated message from the same number. Her phone fell to the floor as she froze and started to quiver. It was so unexpected for her to receive such a text. She couldn't believe what she read but managed to pick up her phone to read it again.

‘^{♪☻♫♥♪☻♫♥} Happy Birthday My ₣ajr ^{♪☻♫♥♪☻♫♥}

I Miss You

Love, Ta…'

She couldn't complete reading it. It was too hard for her to take in.

Knock knock…

Jawad's knuckles found their way to Fajr's door.

KNOCK KNOCK…

His knocks started picking up pace and becoming louder until she heard

SLAM SLAM… on her door.

'Can I come in? It's important' he said loudly through the door. 'Just a minute' Fajr told her brother as she shook off what happened from her head and opened the door, 'It's Noor. She's hospitalized' he told his baby sister. Fajr who was still in a state of shock, retreated and fell to the floor. ‘Are you okay?’ Jawad asked worryingly. ‘I’ll be ready in a minute' she got up hurriedly and started going around the room in circles not knowing what she was supposed to do. ‘I have to change’ then it hit her as she pushed Jawad out the door and closed it shut behind her. Fajr wore whatever her hands reached out for and left her room leaving her phone on the bed. It was still open on the birthday message that read…

‘^{♫♪☻♥♫♪☻♥} Happy Birthday My ₣ajr ^{♫♪☻♥♫♪☻♥}

I Miss You

Love, Taimur’

No Matter What: Chapter Nine

The room was dark and freezing cold. The surrounding never gave off a homely cozy feel to it. It felt like a guest room when visitors feel estranged sleeping in a room they aren’t familiar with. She was always insomniac in her room. She hated the stupid green paint her mother chose against her will. It felt as if she was in a surgery ward rather than an inviting cozy bedroom. A tiny dressing table, a single bed that fits a 10 year old, an old A/C unit that kept on leaking, yellow curtains which never suited the paki green color of the room, and a two door wardrobe complimented the room which she had to share with the maid. She slept on the floor on a medical mattress she saved up money for; with a bad case of back problems, she needed it to ease her ailment. The room's fragrance was that of coconut oil, mixed with cheap knock-off perfume scents and body odor. The opening of the bathroom door was enough to let the vapor seep out. Noor was still lying on the floor; unconscious and clueless to the world. It has been a while since she passed out behind the bathroom door without anybody paying her attention. 'Heeey Baghwaaaaaaan*' the maid screamed as she opened the door and noticed Noor’s fragile petit body on the floor with only a towel wrapped around her. She ran down to the family room but then quickly went back to the room. The maid quickly picked up Noor’s praying gown to cover her bare skin and then rushed out of the room to inform Noor's brother. ‘So? Let the whore die, it would be better for all of us’ he said as his eyes twinkled with content. He felt zero remorse for his sister who, in his eyes, brought down shame and disgrace to the family. He was sure that if Noor were to meet her maker then their family status would go back to where it was before; the society of the religious elites would take them back again. Noor’s brother ignored the maid’s screams and pleas and continued playing 'Resident Evil' on his PS3. Hilal, Noor's cousin, heard the maid's begs as he was walking into the pantry right across the family room. He rushed with her upstairs only to find Noor cold to the touch.

The sun was setting and the darkening horizon was captivating. Looking out the window, the beautiful scenery bestowed peace on the onlookers. Red, orange and yellow mixed with the purple and blue. The moon crescent decorated the sky as the sun parted ways with it, sinking down deep under the sea. A volery of birds flew away while the call for prayers went off through the mega speakers of the neighborhood mosque. Fajr rushed to the kitchen to break her fast. She was fasting for an oath she took upon herself. It was when she swore to Noor that she would not allow a petty separation split them up. They would forever remain best friends; in fact Noor was the only true friend her heart would forever cherish. She vowed to fast for two weeks to prove that to her and everyone. She ate the dates that were already served on her plate and drank a glass of laban before she headed over to the bathroom to make ablution and pray.

Knock knock KNOCK...

The door was being knocked.

Bang bang BANG....

The door went on.

She shuddered and nearly slipped from how wet the bathroom tiles were. The hammering on the door freaked her out, nobody ever dared to knock on their house door in that manner before.

Slam slam SLAM...

The knocking series continued.

Fajr's heart was beating so fast she became petrified. All her brothers were at the mosque for prayers. She was all alone. She decided to ignore the scary visitor and go on praying as she still hadn't. The gardener continued knocking and ringing the bell but to no avail, he decided to leave without breaking the news about the ambulance that drove off from Noor’s house to Fajr.

'Is she okay?'

'Yes I'm sure she is'

‘Sure about that?'

'What you don't believe my words?'

'No it's just, well you know…'

'It'll be fine, just keep hold on to faith and it’ll be alright’

'Can I ask you a question?'

'Sure'

'It's a bit private so feel free to ignore'

'Shoot'

A late night SMS conversation between oblivious Shihab and clueless Fajr; they were both lying on their beds with only their phone’s flashing light illuminating their bedrooms as they hold on to their mobile phones close to read each other’s correspondence. Fajr as usual had her earphones plugged in and indulged into classical music, the way she always prepped herself to sleep. While Shihab was still in a mess. Unable to figure out why he felt so nervous and afraid, his feet kept on tapping their way on the bed. Shihab still had this gut feeling that something was wrong so he chose to keep himself busy and occupied for a while, hoping that the feeling would pass and go away.

BEEP… her phone rang and vibrated

'How did you get over him?'

Shihab asked the big question. A question that struck a nerve on her soul, a question that nobody dared to ask; it was a hard question for her to answer. It has been a while since anyone mentioned him. She read it and looked away throwing her phone aside. She didn't want to recall those memories after working hard on erasing what she knew of him. She coped by having positive thoughts about her life and how it would turn out to be. Fajr feared remembering him. She dreaded that a memory of him would suck her back into that deep dark hole again.  But she owed it to her friend to make her other half feel better, so she picked up her phone from the ground and pushed the reply icon.

'I took it one day at a time' she replied short and simple.

A few minutes later:

'I don't think I can move on. I just can’t'

'But Shihab nobody is asking you to'

'It's not easy I'm sure but you had the will and power. I can’t remove her from my life. She is my all'

‘You would never forget but fond memories are what helped me get by through the day'

'So are you still in love with him?'

'I'd be lying if I said I wasn’t. I still do love him but that's in the past now'

'Sorry for keeping you up late and bringing back memories perhaps you didn't want to share'

'Not at all it's okay. Anything for Noori's Shisho ;)'

‘Have a good night Fajr'  

'Thanks you too'
'Sweet Dreams Shihab'

'Same to you J' 

She smiled as she ended the conversation and placed her phone under her pillow. She smiled as she remembered happy glimpses of her past. Fajr was older than both Noor and Fajr and by that she always acted as the loving motherly big sister to them both. Fajr learnt from her past and became an invincible figure to everyone she knew. She might still refuse the idea of love after what she went through but she never gave up on life. She experienced walking past the gardens of butterflies and floating animated hearts only for her to stumble upon poison ivy and sharp thorns. Fajr’s fairytale story was too good to be true that it soon turned to a bitter and sad ending. It was thanks to the enchanted love story she lived that taught her to live life to its fullest. In the end, 'what doesn't break a person makes a person stronger' she thought. 




* Oh My God in hindi