Sun & Moon: Chapter Nine

'I Still Love You' 

She read it over and over again. She remembered his voice and the way he used to repeat it near her ear as she blushed and moved away shyly. She remembered his accent, that captivating Eastern accent which managed to always make her smile. She recalled how stylish he wore his dishdashas along with the Omani Kemma tilted to the side. She reminisced on how exquisite he always smelt; the typical heavy Arabian perfume mixed with the manly Hugo Boss for men; his signature scent. She took a deep sniff only for her to take in the musty dry air in the library. Sanaa felt lost in between fantasy and reality. She found herself astray, her defenses were breaking down one at a time the moment she saw the confession wall. Sanaa was speechless unable to comprehend why her life had to be so cruel. She didn’t understand why she had to let him in her life. She didn’t know why she allowed him to step on her soul and spirit. She couldn’t get how he still had power and reign of her heart. She smiled as she read it, but soon enough the grin changed into anger. ‘How dare he?’ she told herself as she pushed back the flap and rolled up her sleeves. It was time for the confrontation she never gathered the courage to have. It was time for her to erase what she had tried years to reduce to nothing. Placing her perfectly manicured claret ruby painted nails on the keys; she took a deep breath and began typing.

Throughout life, I never was happier than I was with you. It was good times, happy times. Times that I wished would never end. But now? Now there’s nothing but hatred and bitterness left. How dare you say that you love me when all you tried and strived to do in years was hurt me. We have no future together, that was your words and that was your choice. You can’t do this to me anymore. I won’t end up crawling back to you like I have over and over. Not when I have forgotten about you and your filthy ways. After all that has been said and done, I have forgiven you but would never forget and will always thank you for making me stronger, braver and fearless. Good luck with your life.

Pressing Enter, an immediate relief and weight was lifted off her shoulders. It was the very first time Sanaa conveyed what she wanted to say after that dreadful horror night. It was two years since it happened, and Sanaa never seemed to forgive herself on why it did. It was a night that changed the way she was forever. She could see him responding and writing a message for her, but Sanaa wasn’t interested in knowing what he had to say. She had had enough of his sweet talk and it was time to wipe him out of her life for good. She was meant for great things, and being bitter and sour wasn’t an obstacle she wanted to face anymore. ‘I am destined for great things. I am destined for remarkable things. I am destined for noble things’ she told herself as she clicked on the delete contact icon. She smiled a wide grin as the pop up read CONTACT DELETED. For once in her life, she never bothered on what the other person had to offer or say. She felt in control of her situation; a power that she rarely had. She felt lighter, jovial and tranquil. Sanaa never felt such liberation that it felt extraordinary. She was free like a bird. Stretching her hands, she looked up to the gold decorated ceiling and released a loud laugh. She laughed louder as if she was a child being showered with glitter. ‘Thank You’ she thanked the power above for giving her the strength to do what she couldn’t ages ago. 

Sanaa stayed looking up for what seemed another hour; content and relaxed while contemplating on the artwork of the library’s ancient ceiling. Beautiful drawings of horses and epic landscape painted in gold, green and brown. It was a peaceful sight, a sight that was perfect to indulge in after what she has been through. ‘A new chapter’ she thought, ‘A new life’ she smirked as if the ceiling was a human being watching over her.  It was growing darker and even the lights were going off. It was the librarian closing off all the lights before clearing his throat, indicating it was time for them to close. ‘Ready to leave beautiful lady? ’ his voice made absolute serenity so close by as she looked into his eyes. She smiled nodding her head. ‘Let me help you out’ Bastiaan said in a soothing voice. Smiling Sanaa handed over the now shut laptop to him, so he would pack it back into the black leather laptop bag.

Heading out of the library, the sky was an amazing deep shade of indigo; shadowy and dark, with the orange yellow street lights illuminating the streets and canal. The breeze blowing in Sanaa’s face felt like it was washing off all those tears she once cried because of a broken heart. She felt fresh and lively, Sanaa smiled the widest smile she had in a very long time; it was a genuine happy smile and not the one she expertly pulled off to show that she was at ease and content. As they walked side to side with their laptop bags hitting each other, they enjoyed the music coming from a familiar place to him. It was his favorite spot to enjoy some hearty food and soulful jazz music. Bastiaan smiled as the tempo changed to something that would alleviate him in an instant; a Coldplay song. ‘Oh’ Sanaa grew in shock as her mind registered that her favorite song was playing. Sanaa grew with joy. ‘It’s a sign’ she said out loud to him. Bastiaan surprised tried to understand if what she was trying to say was what he had in his mind the whole time. ‘It’s a sign that life will be great from now on’ she said as she picked up pace walking past him. ‘EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY’ Sanaa screamed at the top of her lungs as she rushed to the inn. Bastiaan followed her but soon paused. He was petrified. He had heard of how most women in Oman wouldn’t accept to go out with a foreigner. He had heard all the rejection stories his brother went through while in the GCC, and he surely knew his fate would be the same one. But Sanaa came back as if she realized what was in his head. She approached him and reached out for his hand. She looked up to his face and said ‘See I usually don’t do this but…’ she paused as Bastiaan’s hopes felt like they were getting flushed away.  ‘But…’ she paused again as she looked at his shoes, keeping him in suspense ‘ But… I am over the moon right now, so would you join me for dinner?’ she beamed like a beacon as she saw his face lighten up. Bastiaan’s nervousness was somewhat gone, he then was certain of what he kept telling his friends all along; that the Omani girl was different, unique and a breath of fresh air. 

No Matter What: Chapter Nine

The room was dark and freezing cold. The surrounding never gave off a homely cozy feel to it. It felt like a guest room when visitors feel estranged sleeping in a room they aren’t familiar with. She was always insomniac in her room. She hated the stupid green paint her mother chose against her will. It felt as if she was in a surgery ward rather than an inviting cozy bedroom. A tiny dressing table, a single bed that fits a 10 year old, an old A/C unit that kept on leaking, yellow curtains which never suited the paki green color of the room, and a two door wardrobe complimented the room which she had to share with the maid. She slept on the floor on a medical mattress she saved up money for; with a bad case of back problems, she needed it to ease her ailment. The room's fragrance was that of coconut oil, mixed with cheap knock-off perfume scents and body odor. The opening of the bathroom door was enough to let the vapor seep out. Noor was still lying on the floor; unconscious and clueless to the world. It has been a while since she passed out behind the bathroom door without anybody paying her attention. 'Heeey Baghwaaaaaaan*' the maid screamed as she opened the door and noticed Noor’s fragile petit body on the floor with only a towel wrapped around her. She ran down to the family room but then quickly went back to the room. The maid quickly picked up Noor’s praying gown to cover her bare skin and then rushed out of the room to inform Noor's brother. ‘So? Let the whore die, it would be better for all of us’ he said as his eyes twinkled with content. He felt zero remorse for his sister who, in his eyes, brought down shame and disgrace to the family. He was sure that if Noor were to meet her maker then their family status would go back to where it was before; the society of the religious elites would take them back again. Noor’s brother ignored the maid’s screams and pleas and continued playing 'Resident Evil' on his PS3. Hilal, Noor's cousin, heard the maid's begs as he was walking into the pantry right across the family room. He rushed with her upstairs only to find Noor cold to the touch.

The sun was setting and the darkening horizon was captivating. Looking out the window, the beautiful scenery bestowed peace on the onlookers. Red, orange and yellow mixed with the purple and blue. The moon crescent decorated the sky as the sun parted ways with it, sinking down deep under the sea. A volery of birds flew away while the call for prayers went off through the mega speakers of the neighborhood mosque. Fajr rushed to the kitchen to break her fast. She was fasting for an oath she took upon herself. It was when she swore to Noor that she would not allow a petty separation split them up. They would forever remain best friends; in fact Noor was the only true friend her heart would forever cherish. She vowed to fast for two weeks to prove that to her and everyone. She ate the dates that were already served on her plate and drank a glass of laban before she headed over to the bathroom to make ablution and pray.

Knock knock KNOCK...

The door was being knocked.

Bang bang BANG....

The door went on.

She shuddered and nearly slipped from how wet the bathroom tiles were. The hammering on the door freaked her out, nobody ever dared to knock on their house door in that manner before.

Slam slam SLAM...

The knocking series continued.

Fajr's heart was beating so fast she became petrified. All her brothers were at the mosque for prayers. She was all alone. She decided to ignore the scary visitor and go on praying as she still hadn't. The gardener continued knocking and ringing the bell but to no avail, he decided to leave without breaking the news about the ambulance that drove off from Noor’s house to Fajr.

'Is she okay?'

'Yes I'm sure she is'

‘Sure about that?'

'What you don't believe my words?'

'No it's just, well you know…'

'It'll be fine, just keep hold on to faith and it’ll be alright’

'Can I ask you a question?'

'Sure'

'It's a bit private so feel free to ignore'

'Shoot'

A late night SMS conversation between oblivious Shihab and clueless Fajr; they were both lying on their beds with only their phone’s flashing light illuminating their bedrooms as they hold on to their mobile phones close to read each other’s correspondence. Fajr as usual had her earphones plugged in and indulged into classical music, the way she always prepped herself to sleep. While Shihab was still in a mess. Unable to figure out why he felt so nervous and afraid, his feet kept on tapping their way on the bed. Shihab still had this gut feeling that something was wrong so he chose to keep himself busy and occupied for a while, hoping that the feeling would pass and go away.

BEEP… her phone rang and vibrated

'How did you get over him?'

Shihab asked the big question. A question that struck a nerve on her soul, a question that nobody dared to ask; it was a hard question for her to answer. It has been a while since anyone mentioned him. She read it and looked away throwing her phone aside. She didn't want to recall those memories after working hard on erasing what she knew of him. She coped by having positive thoughts about her life and how it would turn out to be. Fajr feared remembering him. She dreaded that a memory of him would suck her back into that deep dark hole again.  But she owed it to her friend to make her other half feel better, so she picked up her phone from the ground and pushed the reply icon.

'I took it one day at a time' she replied short and simple.

A few minutes later:

'I don't think I can move on. I just can’t'

'But Shihab nobody is asking you to'

'It's not easy I'm sure but you had the will and power. I can’t remove her from my life. She is my all'

‘You would never forget but fond memories are what helped me get by through the day'

'So are you still in love with him?'

'I'd be lying if I said I wasn’t. I still do love him but that's in the past now'

'Sorry for keeping you up late and bringing back memories perhaps you didn't want to share'

'Not at all it's okay. Anything for Noori's Shisho ;)'

‘Have a good night Fajr'  

'Thanks you too'
'Sweet Dreams Shihab'

'Same to you J' 

She smiled as she ended the conversation and placed her phone under her pillow. She smiled as she remembered happy glimpses of her past. Fajr was older than both Noor and Fajr and by that she always acted as the loving motherly big sister to them both. Fajr learnt from her past and became an invincible figure to everyone she knew. She might still refuse the idea of love after what she went through but she never gave up on life. She experienced walking past the gardens of butterflies and floating animated hearts only for her to stumble upon poison ivy and sharp thorns. Fajr’s fairytale story was too good to be true that it soon turned to a bitter and sad ending. It was thanks to the enchanted love story she lived that taught her to live life to its fullest. In the end, 'what doesn't break a person makes a person stronger' she thought. 




* Oh My God in hindi